i was having a emotional breakdown yesterday.. i mean few hours ago. I got so stressed because of the things that i should have done, hasn't finished yet-not yet complete. essay writing-feedback email etc. :'( I rest for an hour. I almost cried!
guilt had taken its toll. and laziness. and procrastination. = stressed
but i think it has to do with my terrible homesickness as well. last night i dreamed that i was back at home, driving car with my bro and sis. we were having a good time.
and i missed my parents so much.
but above all, my heart was troubled. because i wanted so much to pass all my exams, and i wanted so much to graduate. but i was afraid of failing. and was afraid if i had to repeat any subject. and i was terribly afraid! this expectation was so great i feel like i'm depressed.
Lord, I cast all my anxiety to you. Search my heart oh Lord, deliver me from this situation. Remind me that this is just temporary. That You are my greatest joy that none can take away from me. And most importantly, I am in a good hand. That You are always watching over me. And this trial, was never more than what I am able to face/handle. For I can do all things in You who strengthen me. Lord, I've nowhere to go other than You. I run to You. For You are my refuge and my Savior. Thank You Lord. I praise You forevermore. Amen.
2 comments:
Hi allyn. I guess I was in the same boat with you. I felt the same when I was about to take my JPJ test days before. I just want to past the test ASAP. I was praying hard to pass. But yet, I didn't realise that I was actually unprepared. I was burdening my thought and soul. I was hoping too much. and so much more feelings mixed inside. I was so eager I guess. And when I failed, it really hit me, a lot! and I almost cried which actually I did after I left the place. Feeling like giving up too, and I just want to lock myself inside my room, forever if I could!
Yet, I learn the lessons attached along the way. So many people trying to comfort me, especially my mum. I was touched by what she said. And for everything that happened, I learn to let God to work it out. To have faith in Him that He has reasons for that. yup, failing a JPJ test is just like a small thing compare to many other big things. But what i value is the situation that i was facing. It is not just a mere test designed to pass, but involved the feelings and actions taken if something unexpected happened. And I learnt that, years before I had been to the same situation, feeling so depressed to myself for the things that happened and I just let myself drawn with it. Big regret, but through the process it is not something to be mourned at all. they are all experiences that shaped me to who i am now.
I believe that you could handle it too. God won't give something that is too far beyond of what we could do. And sometimes, we have to learn to detach that feeling, slowly. I know you a lady who own a strong mind, heart and soul. :)
Take care there allyn, I miss you.
P/s siou panjang pula karangan saya sini! Hehe
Dear May,
I just realised your comment. But I am really thankful and encouraged by everything you've said. Indeed everything will soon pass. Now I am looking forward to the joy of going through all this process. With that I praise God for everything =)
Thanks sis..
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