if only..

if only i could hug a lion and swim with a dolphin! :) that would be awesome!!

haha. i know that would be impossible to do.. but that will be in my wish list.. hha~

wake up early

i wake up so early today, and i was wondering what makes me wake up so early. but i thank God, for the new day.
wash clothes, take bath, sweeping, cook breakfast, take the mail..yup..done all of that. then, rest till now. has nothing much to do. been eating fried rice in the morning, and mashed potatoes just now. lovely. :D

what else can i doo..i wish i had sewing machine now. at least i could sew something. huu~ but never mind. one of my application was answered but fortunately the position has been filled. a bit sad. but it's alright. i just want to start my day with a grateful heart!^^

Officially Holiday

Hey ya..

it is officially holiday for me. Just finish my exam last Friday on 16th of Nov. Can't wait to get my result. Hopefully i improved a lot more than last time.

I haven't planned my holiday activities as i said before in my twitter. But i'll start to plan them tomorrow. I have asked around for a casual job and even post my ad, hopefully i'll get some reply soon. Nothing much, but just a housekeeping and cleaning job. Just to fill the gaps in between during my holiday.

My plan is to save some money so that i could buy my own sewing machine. But that will be my second aim. My real aim is to save money for my graduation day. I would love to bring my parents here and hope to pay most of the expanse rather than have them paying for it. I know, it will be hard for me in the future to spend time with them, so, my hope is that, this would be my gift for them, touring around Adelaide because it might be no second chance to go here again. But above all I surrender this plan into God's hand, let His will be done. Amen.

I hope that i would be productive during the holiday. I have lots of activities when nearing to Christmas. I am looking forward for the Christmas Carol in Adelaide Town Hall, Pratik and Jess's wedding on 29th of Dec. But also, summer school on January. Lord, i know i want to experience as much as i could, but help me to be selective and productive. Watch over me, and help me to live my life according to Your words. Amen.

I hope you will have a great time too. Warm wishes.. :)

Rosa

Love your parents.

There will be a time in ur life where u will be so grateful to everything that ur parents had done for u. And when u do, u'll start to value every little things they do, love them more.. And often feel sorry for the things that u've done in the past. As a child, it would be difficult to obey ur parents all the time..but if u do.. It pleases God..and believe me..u will not regret a moment of it. But i do agree...that as u grow up..u'll start to draw a line as an adult child. You start to have ur own opinion on things. Although sometime u feel like u r more right than wrong..never dismiss ur parents advice. Dont simply throw them aside like a rubbish. Because often than not..their advice do make sense because they have lived their life more than us. Do consider. It is not even hurt to think about it. Lower ur ego. Because the fact that we will not have them forever by ourside is a truth the we often brush off when we are so determine with our own ambitions or goals. Be a good children. Forgive them as our God had forgive us. Ur parents r not the perfect person. Just like u r. But they have tried their best for u. If u had a hard time with them when u r small..just remember past is past. Dont look back just look forward. Because at the end, it doesn't matter at all.

my birthday!

29 October 2012

special date for me. i thought everyone like it when their birthday anniversary comes? coz, i do! :) this year although just like years before, i haven't got the chance to celebrate my special day with my family. that is why, i really appreciate the memories of celebrating my birthday with my family and close friends. maybe, those are the good time for me to remember in time like this. i really appreciate all the wishes. thank you so much everyone!!

i am officially 21 years old now. i am an adult now. wow..i can't believe it!! i am getting older!! huhuuu~ older in a good way i guess.. :) i could vote now. officially. but i am not ready yet. probably when i go back to Msia, only then i'll register to vote.

although i didn't celebrate my birthday today, i will..sometime soon when i am not that busy *so busy lah sngt sempat update blog* hha!

but yeah. probably this weekend? hopefully.

today, the person that i would like to give thanks are my parents.. mum n dad. i couldn't thank them much because they've done so much more for me. i wish them happiness and good health.. 

i thank my mum who sent me such a sweet prayer message..bring me to tears!

this is the kind of prayer that always makes me feel so blessed to have a wonderful parents. i thank God for i have them, although we are miles apart..i know they always pray for me. i miss how my mum and dad say their prayer for us everytime we celebrate our birthday. God knows how much i love them.

and above all, i thank God for the life he gave me, for the forgiveness and grace, blessing and love He faithfully showered me with. i thank God for always be there for me although i sometime forgot to turn to Him..i thank God for bringing me here, and continue to watch me and guiding me through all the obstacles i faced. thanks Lord for the 21years of my life. my heart is full of thankfulness tonight.

this week, i still have one more assignment to be done by wednesday. i hope i could finish them by that day. i have two more subject to revise. in God i surrender everything! :)

today is a happy day.. so i am going to end my entry with a verse..

Psalm 139:14-16

New International Version (NIV)

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
 your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

 when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
 before one of them came to be

Happy Birthday to me! :)

sentimental day for me..

i've been away for a while. quite busy during this time of the year. a lot of assignment to be done plus revison for my final exam. this is my second year at uni. being a student is a wonderful experience. and it feels even different when u study overseas.  yet, that is not something to be proud of, but thankfulness and gratefulness. today, i feel a little bit sentimental. i don't know why. perhaps because i miss my homeland maybe? 

the land below the wind. what a wonderful name. i love my country. i love my hometown. it is where i grow up. and it is where i live most of my life and i am not ashamed of admitting that i am just a simple kampung@village girl, dusun from ranau.

maybe i miss the view of mount kinabalu that stood proudly infront of my house. oh what a view!

when i was in primary school, the first thing that i really love to see every morning is the great mount. kinabalu. i thought it was my love at first sight then.

it always become my inspiration. stood proudly everyday, on sunny day, nor rainy day. even when thunderstorm strike!

oh how i wish i was that strong and rigid. always stay the same even if it is a bad day.

the foods..oh..just how yummy they are. i really missed those kind of veggies that is hard to find in other parts of the country. only in my hometown! and i miss the style of cooking that needs nothing other than some oil, water and onion. food, simple like that..i thought is all i need back then. i know i am a food lover and i appreciate the most yummy food ever. but the kind of food that has been nurturing you as you grow up..you just couldn't forget about it.

perhaps i miss doing some gardening and attending the field, planting paddy and veggies, burning dried grass, mending the fence and watering plants..i used to do it everyday when i was small. i admit that i do complain all the time. but not because of the difficulties of the task. but because of the heat and mosquito bite that irritates me the most. i wondered how my mum could even stand all those irritation. she is a hero!

two things that i hope i am able to do one day are..1.cutting the grass using the grass-cutter : because usually it was used/operate only by men-namely my dad and brother. but i thought it wont be that hard for girl, don't you think? 2.opening/clearing land for next planting. i wonder how my mum could even do that by herself. after years of watching and helping her with some weeding here and there, planting and watering, only today the thought come back like years before when i watched her silently doing all the chores in the field. how i miss the sight! and even the smelt of the dried grass burning.

maybe i was just so sad because i read some of the anthropological journal regarding malaysian studies and anthropology in borneon island-namely east malaysia. apparently there has been a strong ties between other anthropologist from different parts of the world who went to borneon island to study various things. so there must be a lot of ethnographic journal about their fieldwork. but why i never came across with it? i don't know. i just feel that it was a shame not able to read those in my whole life. i wish i could read about it someday. and if what i studied now could help me to get into those kind of reading, i am willing to dedicate my efforts into it. although i don't really know much what i am going to be when i finish my study, but i hope, what i've learned here, i could use it and contribute something for my country, and most importantly my state, my hometown.

i know i've been blabbering for a while. apologies. i guess i'm a bit sentimental today. by the way, i miss going to church at sibpr. i miss the vibrant colours of the atmosphere and the people there, and the warmth feeling of being home, a place where you belong and surrounded by most of your loved ones.

p/s: all flowers are taken around Mile End neighborhood. ignore my mcc picture. hha!

putus sintaa...vs true love.. haha

ello2..hri ni sy nda tau la napa. banyaak betul sy nmpak post2 putus sintaa. adeii..kamu ni..bikin sy sedih sedja owh bca kamurang punya post! >.<

kamu ingat kamu seja yg perna putus sinta ka. sy pun bah!

hha~eii..bukan mau marah bo giaa... saja ba tu...

actually kan. sy ada asaimen ba ni mo bt. tp memandangkan kamu post yg sedih2..sy pun mau juga la kenen post sy punya cerita yg sedih2.. wlaupun mungkin teda org mo tau..tp saja sy saja kasi cerita2 la kan.. :)

4years ago..ada satu encom boy mengurat2 sy ba kenen. dgan sweetnya sy kena kuntik, sy pun apalagi,,nakagayat di ginawo. adei. hha~ mula2 sy jual mahal. sbp sy ada big exam kan. SPM ba. apa tidak. mesti mau fokus kan. hha~ tapii,at the end of the day...sy terima juga di proposal tu encom boy. jadi sy pun officially jadila sumandak dia, and dia jdi tanak wagu sy.. mula2 susah mau percaya sy ada tanak wagu. sebap before tu mana pernah ada kan... tapi tipula kalau masa skola rendah sy bilang sy teda..ada..cuma time tu sy tau juga yg cinta monyet seja tuu.. jdi, bila suda lepasan..mcm pandai suda berfikir kan..jadi kira yg ada serius sikit la suda kami kenen tu. tapiiiiiiiiii...semuanya tidak lah seindah seperti yg di fikir2kan. banyak juga cabaran kami tuh. abis sy sambung study jauh2 gia kan. percaya ka kalau sy ckp, kalau sy kira2..satu kali seja kami dating yg kami2 seja.. hha~ kalau yg setakat makan sama2 tu ada la dua tiga kali. tp yg paling special, seingat sy..masa sy mau jalan suda sambung study. masa sy buat foundation. awal2 tu..okeh2 juga. tapi lama2...mcm turun naik turun naik suda. kalau sy kira2...banyak kali o kami break. ada masa..sy rasa we could work it out. dengan yakin dan penuh iman. tapi, ada masa bila respon yg sy dpt tidak positif, nahh..sy mula rasa yg saya seja berabis ni mo mempertahankan tu relationship. kenen. aiseh. tapi at the end of the day..lepas 3 tahun... kami break juga diii... tidak kesampaian juga di tu relationship kami.

actually, sy malas juga ba mau cerita ni balik2. bak kata tu encom boy dulu.. 'balik2 mo break. bangas suda tuh.' hha~ bila sy pikir2 balik, lucu pula tu statement dia. BANGAS. hha~ bangas tu..maksud dia basi. ya, memang bangas suda ni cerita. sy pun malas mau ungkit. sebap teda apa2 juga sy dapat.

mula2 tu sy sedih. dan tipula kalau sy bilang sy suda fully get over it. but i'm recovering la. teda sudah sy sedih2. kalau dulu, sy nangis2 juga ni fikir. tp skarang..tidak sudah. sy dapat suda dih berfikir dengan sewajarnya. lagipun, at the end of the day..semua org semakin dewasa. and sy selalu fikir, kalau sudah umur2 macamni, bukan lagi macam budak2 cara fikir. kalau dulu2..boleh jadi mama org suda. mama sy dulu pun, dalam usia mcm sy..urus keluarga suda. so, x perlulah sy terus sedih2, jiwa kacau, stay di posisi kehidupan lama saya. lebih baik saya move forward. :)

semua org deserve second chance to make things better. bila sy muhasabah diri balik..actually there is nothing untuk disesalkan. walaupun dulu sy cakap sy kecewa dgn apa yg terjadi..akhirnya sy terima hakikat yang semua org tidak sempurna. so, kita tidak boleh expect relationship kita tu sempurna. jadi, walaupun sy rasa banyak kelemahan si encom boy, akhirnya..sy akui juga..yg saya pun baanyak kelemahan. which brings me to think about all the things that i've done. bila sy analyse diri.. ohhh..alamak. rupa2nya saya pun dua kali lima. banyak hal yg perlu sy perbaiki. sini la baru sy sedar. sy pun tidak sempurna. dan akhirnya, sy sedar yang banyak yg perlu sy perbaiki tentang diri sy. so sekarang...sy cuba untuk prepare diri sy supaya, siapa pun pasangan hidup sy nanti.. saya dapat jadi penolong yg baik untuk dia. walaupun sy ni serba kekurangan. dengan iman, sy akan setia tunggu bakal husband saya dari Tuhan. sy pray supaya, siapapun dia yg bakal jadi husband saya tu.. terlebih dulu..biarlah Tuhan yg campur tangan. simple as that. sebap sy tau, Tuhan selalu menyediakan yg terbaik untuk anak-anaknya. tidak perlu pergi jauh, hidup sy ni sudah cukup membuktikan kasih Tuhan. Thank You Lord! :) 

so kepada yang bersedih di luar sana, i know it was a painful experience. but believe me..things will always get better. bila kau mula melepaskan sesuatu yg sangat berharga bagi diri kau ke dalam tangan Tuhan, Tuhan tidak akan membiarkan kau terkapai2. Tuhan akan bagi yg lebih baik, yg terbaik, dan most importantly..He know what you need. Sebap kita mesti ingat..memang ada banyak hal yg kita mau dalam hidup ni. tapi tidak semua kita perlu. dan tidak semua penting. :) 

so cheer up! wlaupun it takes time for you.. belajarlah untuk lebih terbuka. buka tu fikiran luas2, tu mata luas2.. jangan keep layan tu perasaan seja..and do nothing. bila kau lebih terbuka, banyak tu ko nampak. banyak insight. at the end of the day..you'll get to a point yang...'adeii..lucu pula bila fikir balik'. then you know what i mean. even apa yg saya tulis ni pun nothing suda untuk kau. sebap ko pun ada suda pandangan and pendapat sendiri tentang apa yg terjadi dalam hidup ko. it's part of growing up! :)

nanti ko tua suda kan..teda juga ko ingat pasal yg ko kecewa tem muda2 tu. apalagi kalau ko suda tekawin tulang rusuk ko. :)

just like my big sister and her husband! i saw a lot in my sister's life. but at the end, God's plan is always beautiful. :)

introducing: My brother in law : Francis Sungkin and my eldest sister : Florena J. Kantis
on their memorable day
7th July 2012 (07.07.12)
SIB Pekan Ranau Church

their memorable day gives a huge impact on me. I'm very close to my sister. I don't know why..but during the exchange vows..it feels so special because I've been with them since they were still couples, till the day they become one. :) wonderful memories.. May God bless both of them as they no longer two but one. 

until then..  :)

Malaysian Carnival 2012

yes!! Malaysian Carnival 2012 in Adelaide. It was just amazing. The stage was beautiful, the emcee are sporting, including the invited guest, Sam, blue eyes Caucasian. He played his role enthusiastically. And the crowd were big and very supportive! The performances were the highlight, plus..we got Ezani (First Malaysia's Masterchef) doing the cooking demonstration! The foods are amazing, hmm..remind me of hometown.

eventhough, i was not directly involved in the Malaysian Carnival event this year, helping to choreograph one of Sabahan native dance was an honor for me. This year i didn't join in performing because my friends and I was doing venture to open a stall called Traditional Corner. Well, there's some issues with the spelling..but who cares when everything sold our. right? :)

basically, the menus are simple. We sold Murtabak, Roti jala, Popiah basah, kek batik and Ondeh2. Thank God, everything went smoothly. And the experience selling to Aussie people was just amazing. At first, I doubt that I could handle hundreds of customers..but hey.. I did it!! I know it was just a small thing. But it feels like a big accomplishment to me although I have a very awkward moment, and its funny too.

Old man: I am hungry..

He came directly to our stall. And he was half mumbling. so i end up hearing other things.

Me: Oh, Henry? Oh hello Henry.

Sol(my friend): Allyn, dia cakap dia lapar la. Hungry. Bukan Henry.

me: OMG! really.. alamak!!! Malunyaaa.....

then u know the rest. I feel like i want to hide myself. but in such circumstances, where could i go?? dang~

hha~ but at the end, we all did laugh about it. it makes our day less stressful and more memorable.

back to the Malaysian Carnival..apart from choreographing, i did the costume too. I like Dusun Ranau's costume. I really hope the costume that I made somehow resemble the one that Dusun Ranau people wear. I am not a professional tailor, but I tried to do my best.

sketches..

in the making..

with the dancers..

i didn't manage to make the skirt the way i wanted to. but i hope this will do. :)

although the dancers are not professional, they did it very well. besides, they're first timers, and i think i should give credits to them. having only few times practices, i know it was not perfect but I am so happy they volunteered to join my group! bravo! :)

the day was eventful. i wish i could enjoy the moments longer. i know we'll have it next year for sure. but the senior this year was just awesome. and it is sad to know that this year would be their final year. and they will go back for good after graduating at the end of this year. huu~

anyway.. this is some of the clip. i hope u enjoy watching!!

Spring Holiday

yay! its been for a while i haven't write anything.
teda idea bah.. lagipun..mcm nda tau apa mau tulis kan.
but this two weeks of holiday is just so refreshing!! :)

but still, my assignment r waiting to be done. okay2. maybe i've wasted five days. OMG, its five days dy?? okay i should've start doing them now. hahaha~

anyway..i just love spring. banyak bunga..
i've started doing some backyard gardening too.. kalau ada masa nanti sy share picture..
flowers??
bah coming soon. itupun kalau sempat pi visit Botanical Garden. banyak bunga wooo..last year punya picture pun belum upload lagi.

until next time! :)

come back.

its been a while huh.
i've nothing to explain. but i've things to share.

been through a lot lately. coming back here tonight just make me smile reading all those things i've posted.
i talk a lot. some are unnecessary. but yeah. freedom of speech. you can say anything. write anything.

i've made new blog. but wont continue on it. will probably stay here. so many memories. i appreciate who i am.

learned a lot this past few months.

final break up. sad. heartbroken. but thank God. i am strong in Him.

my big sister's wedding. beautiful. grateful. wonderful moments.

exam, thank God.

this year will not go back to Sabah. stay here. doing summer school. travel. amen.

new friends!

new aim. do best in study.

Love God. i am redeemed. not perfect. but forgiven. <3

short. but enough. nite :)

tea time with popcorn. taken during swot vac. was kissed by a grandpa. 

admit weakneses

The admitting is often very difficult.
Indeed. And I find it very true for myself. Sometime admitting my weaknesses is very hard, because it makes me more conscious about myself and the things i couldn't do.


Conscious of my own weakness, I can only seek fervently the guidance from God to help me to overcome them. But i rejoice in God, because I realise that, I am nothing without God.
Saya adalah org biasa, yang punya Tuhan yang luar biasa. :)

teringat mama

hari ni tiba2 sy teringat sama mama. sy kemas2 pendrive sy tadi, pas tu nampak la semua document2 yg mama sy minta tolong sy taip waktu cuti summer lepas.

bila sy fikir2 balik, adui..sy rsa..sy ni sangat la nda menghormati mama.. boleh2 sy marah2 time tolong dia buat tu surat. padahal, bukan susah. taip apa yang dia tulis seja. sudah la penting. mesyuarat dorang pun dekat suda masa tu. mungkin masa tu sy rasa nda penting pun tu surat2 or laporan2 yang sy taip.
bukan juga sy berat hati ka apa. memang sy mau tolong, tapi buli2 sy mara2. masa sy mau print and minta mama check mana yang salah, sy marah2 ni.. buruk betul tu mood time tu. muka pun masam2.

padahal, kalau sy minta tolong apa2 dari mama, bukan mama pernah buat muka. you are willing to help me. tia tau la apa dalam hati mama, tapi nda pernah sekalipun sy nampak mama buat muka kalau mau tolong anak2. mama lagi yg bersungguh2 mau tolong. contohnya, kalau sy mau minta tolong apa2 dalam urusan sy mau sambung skolah. sy ingat lagi tu kalau mau pi buat medical checkup, beli barang2 keperluan, kalau sy sakit ka, ada apa2 urusan2 kecil, sabar betul mama mau layan karenah2 sy. even since kecil lagi. kalau mau minta tolong buat apa2 pun begitu, apa2 seja la. skali kalau sy, baru sikit mama minta tolong pun mau marah2 suda.

for that, sy betul2 minta maaf a ma. 

siou, sy marah2 time tu. sy teringat2 ni, mama sabar ja wlaupun ada nada2 sy mara2 masa sy becakap sma mama. teringat2 lagi tu muka mama yg srba salah. mau minta tolong ka tidak, kalau tidak, sama siapa lagi?? sebap masa tu sy la paling diharap mau tolong dia. tak kan mau hantar pi kedai mau taip semua tu report and surat2? tapi kalau minta tolong, masam pula muka sy. adui, betul2 la..siou a ma..

baanyak lagi ni mama pernah buat tuk sy. kalau sy mau ckap satu2 nda habis2 ni entry. apa2 pun, sy bersyukur dan sngt2 brtrma kasih sma mama. sebap, kalau mama nda tolong sy.. bnyak hal yang sy tdak dpt buat. dan sy bukan di tahap ini. walaupun mama selalu cakap sma sy, 'sudah tanggungjawab mama untuk anak2 mama', tapi sy percaya, bukan sebab rasa tanggungjawab seja, tapi sebab mama sayang kami semua adik beradik. terima kasih ma. i know how to love others from you. 

the simple way to love others, is not only by saying 'i love you' to them but to act love.

doa sy untuk mama malam ni, semoga mama sihat2 seja. dalam apapun cabaran yg mendatang dlm hidup mama, sy doakan supaya mama terus kuat, esp dalam pelayanan, keluarga dan dlm your circle of friends. sy berdoa supaya hidup mama terus diberkati dan dipakai Tuhan. 

sy juga mo mengucap syukur sma Tuhan sebap selalu jaga kita sekeluarga walaupun ada cabaran2 juga. bila semua tu berlaku, sy belajar untuk bersyukur, belajar menerima sesuatu, belajar berharap, belajar mengasihi, belajar untuk bersandar lebih lagi dengan Tuhan.

masa2 begini, rindu pula sama semua orang. rindu juga masa kita sharing2 tu ma. kalau fikir balik, sy malu juga nangis depan mama dulu masa kita cerita2, tapi sebab itu juga la..sy lebih mengerti apa perasaan mama, dan tau yang mama sebenarnya, suka kalau kami anak2 lebih terbuka cakap or bincang apa seja sama mama.

terima kasih sebab jadi iron lady dalam hidup sy. terima kasih juga sebap jadi bestfriend sy.

u r my mother, my sister, and my friend. i love you ma. God bless u. 

One Direction - What Makes You Beautiful

okay, this is such a catchy song. likeee it!! hha...
p/s: sorry for abusing the play button!!

The Passion - Worthy Is The Lamb

Happy Good Friday everyone.

Today, eventhough thousands of years had passed, and i didn't see with my own eyes,

i am grateful, so grateful.. that God.. He sent His only Begotten son into the world,

He was crucified, died on the cross, for everyone who sinned, 

me.. and you..

but that is not the end of the story. 

On the third day, He had risen!

Let's paint lives with happy ones :)

"..in the End, all that really matters isn't the things you did, but what its effects are today, not the knowledge you have learned, but how you applied it, not the words that were said, but how they made you feel, and most of all, not the moment of occurrence, but how its now just a part of our memory.. Everyday, we make memories.. Let's paint lives with happy ones.."

enjoy the moment :)

i feel so happy, i thought i could conquer the world :)

p/s: one of the best moment. playing in the big playground. 

place: St. Kilda Beach, South Australia

people i miss today.

my nephew. 3months summer holiday is not enuf.

really miss him.

when i watch him grow, and see how he learn step-by-step,

how to eat, how to stand up, how he faced his failure when he fall,

i grow to even love him as my own little brother for i have none.

Thanks God.

for even the past is sad, but it turns out to be a beautiful story. 

to impact others

my dream is to be a teacher. i mean, real teacher. primary school teacher or high-school. both are okay.

but i guess, God didn't put me into that way. indeed at first, i am disappointed when i know that i didn't pass the interview. but i gradually accept it. and it was another life lesson to learn-which is to be bravely admit that God is holding our life, and have faith in God's plan. :)

as for me, teacher is not my first ambition. i keep changing my ambition. especially during primary school. when i look through the 'green file' that we had to update every year, i'll write different ambition for every year. but yeah, i guess everyone write the same ambition in those six years of studying. (ei: teacher, doctor, engineer, architect, police, fireman..etc2..)

it all began when i was in standard four. i guess everyone know the feeling when you've entered the second level of primary school. where you started to use pen instead of pencils, trying hard to make your writing better and better, start to worry about UPSR, know how to get crush on the opposite sex, writing love letter, being friends, fight with friends..etc2.. all those feeling makes me aware that we were so excited back then when we were at school. i kind of, like to watch people around me..to be able to see their reaction in every situation, participating in the youth atmosphere...is exhilarating fun and exciting. i am so grateful! 

for me, i am grateful back then because at that time, between teacher and student, i felt like we are friends. and that is why i always wish that i could do something for my teacher to show my gratitude. and maybe because back then, all my teacher at school are so inspiring. indeed, i came from a small town in Sabah, but it doesn't matter. they help me to see things in a big way. i should thank all my teacher for helping me to dream.

one thing that i am aware why my ambition keep changing is the fact that i was so into watching cantonese drama. did anyone of you remember all the drama we watch at that time? the ICAC-police action movie, sung si yuk-the lawyer who stand up for justice, the malay drama where ppl work as engineer, architect, businessman, acrtoon like usop sontorian, anak2 misbun...etcetc..all influence the way i think, the way i see things, to act and to speak... they entice me to be just like them.. my interest tend to change with anything that i found interesting and captivating...

in fact, during my form 3, i strongly wanted to believe my self that i want to be a businesswomen because i really love studying accounting-KH(Perniagaan dan Keusahawanan)

but when i was in form 4, i was demotivated at the fact that i am not really good in my add-math.

meeting with great teachers in high-school motivate me to be just like them. they inspire me a lot! i am not sure about other people, but i always had this feeling when i met one. it was like my heart was about to burst open in any second when they talk. all their wise advice and sharing experience hit me to the core of my heart. those inspiring stories and words, sink deeply in my mind and that is how i started to dream~ to be like them.

and if i am a teacher, i want to do the same thing to my students. i don't want to simply teach them from textbook..but more than that. i want to help them to realise their dreams. 

i am a dreamer. i have many dream. and if none of my dream didn't comes true, i'll help my students to achieve their dream. so in that way, all my dream will come true. it may sound self-centered ambition.. but no. it is not that way. my dream is to impact others. 

i know to impact others is such a big dream. and knowing all my weaknesses, sometime,demotivate me. i feel like i should stop dreaming and become more realistic. but isn't to be realistic, sometime start with a dream?

i hold a lot of fear in my heart. but deep down, i always believe that someday, by believing and putting complete trust to God, i will someday achieve my dream. in the mean time, i should do something to accomplish that dream.

and if all the difficulties and obstacle in life are the lesson i have to go through before i can achieve my dream, i will and always accept them with open heart and open mind.

hey y'all..

heyya!
its been months!
hha~no updates. been busy and i'm in no mood to write. who need mood to write?? definitely me! :(
anyway..it is my mid-sem break and finally! finally i have lots of time to think about what i can write here.. hha

to be honest,
the reason i didn't write this past few month is because i have no ideas what to write, which is pathetic..
because usually i don't have to think what to write..i simply write because i felt like only when i write i could clear my head. its like..there are lots of thing i would like to talk..but only by writing then i can express my thought.

see..no point at all..

hmm... i wish my writing will get better in future!! :)

until then..adios! :)

i honestly miss this blog! <3

#rosa

2012: new hope, new insight

This year I hope I am stronger than last year. I hope I could overcome my fear of being a stranger in a new place. What I’ve been through last year, taught me a lot.

To give thanks in every situation, always remember that God is in control, I do not have to be afraid of anything because God is with me. I realized that, everytime I am down, God always has His own ways to cheer me up. Thank God for everything.

Fear.

Scared and uncertainty are the most fearful feeling I felt last year. Countless night of praying and crying. I felt so small, almost nothing but a dust on air. My life was like a dandelion, flying wherever the wind blows. I felt so broken to a point where the feeling is like being stranded on a sea of strange desert, where I saw nothing but a dull, brown desert.

My heart cried.

My heart was crying for help whom I don’t know to whom. I longed for someone who I can talk to, a shoulder to cry on and a companion who can give me wise advise. Because of that feeling, I began to put a wall around me, keeping distance from anyone who tried to pull me out. I tried to swim out from the confusion, but eventually I drowned, again and again.

Overwhelming feeling

In my life, there is no reason for me not to believe, or pretend to be blind how God’s love works. Everything, yes everything I have, I see or experiencing are God’s gift. I am more than grateful. But truly I said, to work out our own salvation is not easy. I have to carry my own cross. For that, all the pain, the tears, the hurt, the hardship, the struggle, the joy and happiness..are worth to experience. I don’t know what is the most memorable moments in my lifetime. But I can name a few.  

On my 20^th the most overwhelming feeling that I wish to keep till I die is, the moment when, everytime I saw a Church, my heart race into a melodious rhythm that I myself couldn’t comprehend. At first I thought that, I missed going to church. That’s all. But honestly, its more than that. It’s not about His house, but His presence. God knows that human easily forgot. I am thankful God remind me that I am nothing without Him. God wanted to tell me that He’s always there for me, anytime, anywhere..wherever I go, wherever I am.

Peace.


I always believe God will answer our prayer on His own time, and at the exact moment. On that particular Sunday, I got a beautiful message from 2 Corinthians 4. I still remember the title: Treasure in clay Jars. That day, I finally found my peace. I even meet a few friends who just like a family, who support and encourage me.

Polished like a pearl.

Dirt in the seabed, with all the unwanted particles on the sea were once not appreciated. But years of horrendous experience that we don’t even know how, or what.. had formed a beautiful pearl. I picture my life like a pearl. In times, I might not understand why, but at the end, I know God had planned everything ahead.  Beautiful on its own time.

goodbye 2011 hello 2012

Hi new day! new year! new hope! new start!
First of all i wanna say thank you Lord! sy dapat lalui n jalani tahun 2011 yg sangat mencabar. sy tertarik dgn entry kawan sy..si may.. dia recall apa yg terjadi on every month in 2011. wahh...:) interesting owh kehidupan sbagai seorg bakal cikgu.. :)

tahun 2011..hrm..yaa.. mengajar sy sangat banyak life lesson. itu sangat berharga. sy percaya..Tuhan biar sy lalui itu semua spya sy semakin dewasa mnghadapi hidup ini. sy percaya..yang semua itu bukan kebetulan tapi rencana Tuhan yg sangat indah buat sy.

awal tahun..ya..bulan yg sngat mendebarkan. sngat sibuk menguruskan my enrolment di Uni Adelaide. Tahun yg penuh kesyukuran sbp sy akhirnya dpt menjejakan kaki di bumi kangaroo. a place where i was physical n mentally challenged. apa apa pun pengalaman yg sngat menarik. pertama kali sy nampak tanah rata yang sangat luas dan lapang, dengan rumput n pemandangan yg hijau..oh..indahnya. itulah pemandangan yg sy nmpak dri atas kapal. excited bila mula2 sampai australia. the land is so vast!

bulan dua itu lah..permulaan segalanya. trying to adapt dgn susana baru, org baru, uni life n mcm2 lagi lah. i have to say..thank you kpda smua senior n kawan2 yg bnyak tolong sy. tnpa drg,.it would be impossible to adapt quickly. terima kasih atas semua tunjuk ajar and support. esp kakak2 yg sudah balik for good.

bulan 3..adalah bulan yg agak mencabar. sbp sy seperti org yg terkapai2 di bumi asing. sy mula menjauhkan diri dari org2 yang cuba rapat dengan sy. mungkin bulan 3 adalah my month of breaking point..

bulan4,ya..sy ambil msa sebulan utk fikir balik semua.. sy bersyukur sebap Tuhan tidak pernah melepaskan tangan sy. bulan4 itu adalah satu perubahan utk sy. bnyak yg sy mula sedar..dan buat sy bnyak ubah attitude sy.

bulan 5, i settled down much better. I met new friends and new people. I started going church regularly.

bulan 6, I started to allow myself to get involved in club's activities.

bulan 7, the most epic adventure. Winter break with ISMA. Going for Winter Trip from Adelaide-Melbourne-Sydney-Brisbane-New Castle-Adelaide. Super duper awesome experience.

Bulan 8, preperation for Malaysian Carnival

Bulan 9, Malaysian Carnival, menari tarian Inang and Hornbill dance from Sarawak. Meet new people, awesome people!

Bulan 10, Overwhelmed with how much my friend take time to bake cake for my birthday. Thank you dear!

Bulan 11, EXAM!

Bulan 12, oh yeahh...Summer Break for 3months!! Christmas!! <3