struggle..

i guess i am going to miss my hometown..especially Ranau, Sabah
this past few days@week is very tough for me..
i have to rush here and there...sometime i forgot to eat my lunch..and sometime even forgot to rest for a while..can you imagine that?
i've been worrying this past few days..thinking whether i could or could not do this all..
everything seems to be impossible to do..every night i'd cry in my Pray asking God to walk with me in everything i do..in every step i take, asking God so that i will not worry about tomorrow, or what will happen later, what if and how if...
all those question keep circling in my head..make me feel dizzy and uncomfortable all day long..

i've been struggling..
seriously...i am..

i don't know why..seems to be easy for others..but maybe i am just over reacting..
other people releks ja pun..huu~

tomorrow is sunday...
I'm happy to meet the King of all King..
want to pour out my heart to HIM..

Need some wise wisdom and advise here..:(
huu~
nite all...

cheer up everyone..^^

hello...just wanna say..CHEER UP!!:)

there are days when we feel like our life is totally at the end..

we feel helpless and terribly devastated with misery..

there are days when we feel like giving up to something that we tried to hold on as long as our heart say so..

there are days when we want to go back to the olden days,when life is much happier and carefree..

less problem,less uncertainty,and less misery..

we could laugh,we could cry..again and again..

hoping that tomorrow we gonna be okay..

hoping that tomorrow we could face the world again..with open heart and open mind..

today may be the day that you dislike most

today may be the day that you like most

but tell you what, we could not avoid to let things happen,

we don't know if today is the worst day in your life

who knows if today is actually the luckiest day in your life..

this life is mystery right?

whatever happens in our life, don't regret it..

you sad,you happy 

you have food to eat for today,but you don't know tomorrow

don't regret a day in your life

don't let all the unnecessary things take away your dream and dignity..

because each day is meaningful..

So,live your life as if you're dying tomorrow

that is why when you do something, you do it with all your heart just like you're doing it for GOD..

whether you are working or studying..

be glad because we are given each new day to live our life

to see and receive God's blessing in our life..

look around and you will realize that none is yours..

material that you have,house,cars, cellphones,laptop,clothes,money,food

friends,family,couples,,all your life,your whole life,your world is not yours..

so why do we need to worry..

worrying did not help us to make things easier,

giving up will not solve our problem,

if we cry over a spill milk,we still could not turn the porridge to become rice again..

be strong,have faith..i keep saying this..

for God who is faithful will always walk beside us..

give your very best in everything you do..

that is just what we should do with our faith...

Grow your faith by walking with God..

you will see, that life is more than just a breath...

p/s: i love you all...

dedicated to my car_rush friends...

songs i wanna share..:)

as i browse back all my video..came across this two song..
i still like it soO much..
hope u enjoy as much as i enjoy listening to this song..
please,take your time to listen..:)

Tiada Ternilai (a True Worshippers "Glory to Glory" cover) [by Clara & Ariel]

DI HATI-MU TERUKIR NAMAKU
DI MATA-MU TERLUKIS WAJAHKU
BUKAN KAR’NA KUAT GAGAHKU
NAMUN HANYA KAR’NA KEMURAHAN-MU

MESKI TERKADANG AKU TERJATUH
TAK PERNAH LELAH KAU HAMPIRIKU
MEMELUKKU DENGAN CINTA-MU
BETAPA BESAR MULIA KASIH-MU

BAGI-MU TUHAN S’GALA PUJIAN
HORMAT KEMULIAAN
TIADA TERNILAI SALIB-MU TUHAN
SUNGGUH BERHARGA ENGKAU YESUS

Songwriter: Andre Hermanto

and also this song:

Hanyalah Dengan-Mu (a Yes! cover) [by Clara & Ariel]



Hanyalah Dengan-Mu 


Diri-Mu terindah 
Diri-Mu termanis 
Diri-Mu terindah yang pernah kutemui 


Andaikan Kau ada Selalu di dekatku 
Bersyukur tak pernah Kau tinggalkanku 
Hanyalah dengan-Mu Kurasakan cinta Di dalam hidupku 
Hanyalah dengan-Mu Hidupku berarti 
Tak bisa tanpa-Mu 
Kubutuh cinta-Mu Kubutuh hadir-Mu 
Di dalam hidupku 


bridge: 
Tak pernah tinggalkanku 
Itu janji-Mu 
Tak pernah tinggalkanku 
Aku percaya

Letting go?? : I'll never walk alone..

This is exactly what i feel right now..but i don't know which word to express..till i saw one of my blogger friend updated their entry with this question..

of course i am one of the people who always feel about letting go..especially letting go of my dreams..it was so hard to keep holding on our dream,my dream. Sometime i feel so tired of everything until there is a moment when i just want to sit down and let everything bygone be bygone. I don't want to fix anything because I know, the more I want to fix them, the more I will be hurting inside out. So better just leave it untouched.

Let go..
Let go..
sometime there are voices coming through my head,asking me to let go..the bad moment i had..in my relationship..sometime i did..but sometime the memories wont go..the past teach me many new things.. but sometime they make me feel unsecured and uncertain about many things. the more i want to reassure my self, to believe that everything gonna be okay, the more i'm afraid to keep this relationship..

I surrendered to GOD. Whatever happen in the future, i'll leave it in God's hand. i believe that when we have nowhere to go, and feel helpless in this life, call upon our Lord, and He who faithful will answer.

To be honest, nothing is easy in this life..
But if i walk with Jesus, I am sure I'll never walk alone...

Episode in my life..

I don't like if i'm in a bad mood.. it feels so wrong..
I don't like fighting with others..
I don't like good bye..because it's sad..

I like hello & make new friends..

Changes in life? Sometime i need it..desperately need changes.. Bored because of the constant and unadventurous life..
Adventure? I love them..but sometime I just like to lay back and just enjoy my quiet life..
There are times...when life is so challenging for me..It is the time life demands me not to give up and keep fighting till the end..
There are times, changes are always disaster. But some of them are more than that. They're hinges on which my whole life turns..

Changes is like that. It left me devastated not just my emotion and attitude but also to my relationship. But somehow it opens a door to new understanding of myself.

A moment of insanity that severed the relationship between people around me and myself, and the memories in the past, the changes seemed afterward required a sustained period of calm as an antidote.

This is the episode of my life. Sometime poignant, sometime ridiculous, sometime sinister.

Yet i think they are beautiful.. and they give me sense of adventure in this life..:)

Grateful....

waa..couldn't help myself from being grateful today...

Rsa btul2 Tuhan tolong....:)

hari ni 3 tempat sy pegi..

let me tell you pa sy buat sepanjang hari ni..

5am..sy bangun..mandi...air punyaaa sejuk..then siap2 mo p kk...

jam 7.30am kmi smpi suda d kk..

jam8 smpi likas...jamm teruk oo...ish2..kota kinabalu pun mo jadi mcm kL suda..nda lama lagi kk pun perlu buat fly over bnyak2..very useful terutama masa puncak...tyme org mo p kerja pagi2..n blik dr kerja tem petang..

tempat pertama sy pegi..Hospital Likas..bekas SMC..ingtkn dsna ble bt medical checkup..bila sy tnya kakak d kaunter pertanyaan dia ckp Hosp Likas x buat...so I go to Klinik Kesihatan Luyang..

Jam 9 suda mgkin tu... sy lupa2 ingat lokasi tu Klinik Kesihatan Luyang. Nasib baik memori msh kuat..aya..dekat2 skolah sy ba tuu..Slalu juga sy p klu sakit tem d skul dulu..trus sy p tingkat satu..urus itu ini..skali ingtkan mo bt mantoux test..for TB punya..skli ari khamis drg x bt penjaruman..ari jumaat bru ada..mslhnya i've got to go back tengah hari p ranau coz bpa ada class d MTS.

So i've decided sy p bt di lab..di Gribbles Pathology dkt dengan Muzium Sabah. Syukur ada..and dsna cepat. 3hri ja. dats mean i could get the report b4 i fly to JPA pya briefing. Ciap ja mbil darah...sy dpt call dr Takaful Suruh p Muis mbil cek sy...

So,lepas breakfast@mkn tgh hari la tu kan klu jam 11 suda..sy p pejabat Takaful d Wisma Muis. Wahh..1st tyme sy p sna..binggung jua la..coz besar jua kan..nsb baik abg pengawal yg encom tu kc tunjuk sy dmna pejabat. Bila sy smpi..kakak oficer tu yg bg sy cek tu.

Syukur la..ada juga duit sy mo urus2 jpa n visa tu later. Thanks God. Tyme2 teda duit..Tuhan pasti buka jalan..n pasti ada berkat..kalau kita serahkan pergumulan kita dgn Tuhan. Satu hal yg sy diperingatkan ari ni...supaya...jangan bersadar pada kekuatan diri sendiri. Tetapi apapun pergumulan kita..bergumullah bersama Tuhan. Maka apa pun yg kita buat..Tuhan menyertai. Doa pagi saya...

'God lead me in every step i take today..'

Simple yet i surrendered to God.

Bnyak sy jumpa org ari ni. Semua org very helpful. Klu sy..every people i meet in a day in my life..bukan kebetulan..wlaupun sekali imbas ja kita pandang..semua tu Tuhan yang atur. ada yg mencetuskan satu kesedaran kita..ada yg kita jumpa kawan..ada yg kita jumpa untuk bersosial, menolong org..and ada juga yg tujuan dia kita tia tau..sbp itu kehendak Tuhan kann...:)

btw..suma urusan ciap tepat jam 11.30. That's mean bpa sempat pulang la p ranau. Nnti ari selasa sy p kk lgi. mo p mnta report d gribble n p mnta sah d luyang.

Trus kmi direct blik ranau. Ba..byngkan la mcmna penat bpa drive kann..kesian c bpa. bnyak kali dia menguap. sudala jam 2 dia tpksa lg p mts. kmi smpi ranau dlm jam 1.30 gtu la. sy rsa seharian sy dlm kereta ja. huhu..yg lain2 tu..naik turun hospital..hha..

jam3 gtu sy p pekan..p bank in cek..

pastu blik ruma..kemas2 bilik. skali sy tetidur smpi jam 8. ish2..sumandak apa la sy nii..hhha..penat ba..then, sy turun,watch tV..sy larat minum nescafe ja..hilang selera suda...

now..sy on9..yippa...trus sy cerita la apa sy buat sepanjang hari ini...

waa..pnjang cerita sy hri ni...baa..itu seja laa....nanti cerita2 lagi k...:) Gud nite my dear blog..^^

soO mixed up.. :(

if only..
if only...
if only you know..

> hri ni sy dpt bt x-ray ja..thousand of my cell died..in just one xray..
huuu..hopefully the visa still approve...x mo buat two times..

> today..sedih..i'm soO sensitives today..if only you know..
i've done wat u said..so don't ask me back why i did it..coz u got the answer..

> sedih sbp sy kna mara..beli tiket pulang balik..how do i know..that is why i ask..
sometime i dont know what to do..that is why i ask for an opinion..u expect me to know everything and become toO independent. i know later i will have to depend on my self. but for the time beings when i am still with you all..please help me..i'm helpless...couldn't you understand?

> rasa sedihh ja sy rsa ni..if only i know this would be hard..sy pun dr awal will not apply and hoping toO much study jauh2..what is the point klu i didn't get full support?
kdg2 sy sedih..sy sedar..very clearly yang as a child i depends on ibu bpa.. mcm klu perlu duit..msti minta parents..sbp belum brduit kan..sy sedar..sngat lah..that is why..klu boleh...sy x mo menyusahkan..but what to do..sy pun xda duit n from where i could get money?
terpaksa juga sya menyusahkan...one day..klu Tuhan bgi peluang..semua tu I would like to repay you back..all your sacrifices..for us..
as i grow up..i realise..
when i realize..i am scared..
takut mo menyusahkan..
but i'm looking forward to do my part..my responsibility...

> tp sy percaya..every child tu ada berkat masing2..
and jgn bersandar dengan apa yg kita ada..
tapi bersandar kepada pemberi berkat..
so apa yg telah sy buat hari ini..klu salah..sy minta maaf..
my mistake klu pilihan sy salah..
so i leave it on God's hand..
ada hal yang luar kemampuan saya..luar dari apa yg boleh sy handle..

whatever happens tomorrow..i will not regret..because i already surrendered to God..
amen..

Fish

I wish I had fishes as my pet..is it normal?

Usually people want puppies or kittens or hamster as their pet..coz they are more adorable and we could touch them..

With fish we couldn’t touch or even had a contact with them..

But I think fish is adorable toO..i wanna keep them as a pet..in the future la..of coz.. now don’t have time to take care of them..even my two cats in my house pun sometime I forgot to bagi makan..sebab dorang selalu p rumah jiran..

Dorang?

My mum will always ask me back this question.. because I personify them with panggilan dorang…hehe.. I call them dorang coz I feel more close to them as if the cats are part of the family..

Mum will be so proud if my cat dapat tangkap tikus…hehehe…so cute pula bila tengok my cat bawa tikus tu dkt tingkap..tp bila my cat suda gigit2 tu tikuss..eiiii…sy pun nda mo tengok lagii….geli pun ada..with the mouse la..haha!

Today lots of things happen..tapi petang tdi sy sempat cleep for 1 hour..hujan renyai2 kan..so syok to sleep..huhu.. tp mama kc bgun..dia bwa p makan mee sup. Tiba2 datang mood dia mo mkn mee sup..hehe

Today got acceptance letter from idp. Tgh process la ni. Baru ja hntar email tdi..hopefully idp approve.

Ok la…nnti smbung lagi yaaa….

ces't la vie..

its life...

very common words..overused in writing...cliche..

still.... i like the word..

i'm thinking on using it as my blog title..is it ok?

just now idp call me..and they ask me which uni i would like to go...

waahhh..kecut perut.....i dunno where to go..

got three choice..

uni carnberra

uni adelaide

uni of south australia..

so..at the end i choose adelaide..is it the right choice ??..i think so..

it's the only g8 uni among this three..huhu...

hopefully jpa will approve..

and thanks God..i feel more relieved now...

green light...ody..

but still need to do med checkup..still need to do lots of things..

i know dad must be happy..syukur...huhu....

language is beautiful..

when u put magic to words, it will appear to be so beautiful that you will be amazed..
when you combine a word with another word you will get different meaning which actually come from a single meaning..
simple words, but when you put it beside another word..it'll become extraordinary word..

word can be used to described..yet there are things that cannot be described by words..
from the sound of water lapping on the lake till the beauty of sunrise in the morning..
we could easily describe it by words..
but when it comes to feeling and love..sometime words can't describe..
words is precise but to explain something..you need tons of words..

words form language.. language differ across culture..
appreciate culture..and you'll appreciate the language..
words is beautiful..
language is beautiful..

me..when it is toOo bored here..

Got good news!!

As usual I break my promises to keep up with my journal. I am totally not a person who don't keep my words but because of my laziness and lack of time, I think even my laptop is dusty. And today I feel like i want to write something..

Its been difficult for me this past few days. I totally don’t have any spirit to do even single thing in my house. Even to start arranging back my wardrobe takes time to finish. Up until today, my bed is still messy with my shirts.

And the GOOD NEWS is…I could FLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh^^

Thanks God for the good news. All this are because of HIS grace..another opportunity in mylife..to repay back my mistakes..my valuable lesson in life..

Perlu ada rasa tanggungjawab mulai dari sekarang..yahoooooooooooooo!!

Ben I couldn’t wait to tell you. Pleaseeeeee visit me in Aussie..Thanks God!

Now I don’t need to worry if people ask me or not. Yang penting……..am going to study very hard fom now on. No more turning back. Thanks God once again.

I've sinned and I repent.

God lead me the way!

beaucoup dans l'œil près de mon coeur