Wednesday, January 23, 2013

I feel guilty

Today I had English presentation. I've come prepared and I am excited about it. Because this is the first time I prepared my presentation without writing my whole speech so that I could allow myself to speak more impromptu.

However, before the class start, there has been changes in the tutorial classes. Apparently one of the tutor couldn't come today because of urgent matters, so one of the class had to break into two groups and join us. 
I heard my friends said that the new room will be on Hughes building, 273. So, did two of my group mates. Because the lift is full, we went to level 2 by stairs..but then apparently we didn't find the room although we've wandered around again and again. It was strange because none of the crowd was there. The level is so empty and quiet. One of my friend finally suggested that we go to level 7 and check the room 723 instead. When we reached level 7, I saw my other group mate waiting for us anxiously. Yes, they told us the wrong room, or maybe we heard them wrong. So, we come in late for about 15mins. But fortunately, my tutor allows a random group to start first. So, instead of waiting for us, other group started the presentation.

We are the second last group to present. Because we start late, all of us had to speak in rush. Or at least, sum up everything within 5mins for each group. Analysing a speech using elements in close reading, and presenting our points within 5mins. When you had 4 members in a group, it seems impossible. This is the first time, I wasn't that nervous. I think I deliver my points direct and clear. HOWEVER, we wasn't finished yet..but my tutor had to stop us. Because of the time! Eventhough, all of us had spoken, there are still 2 elements we hasn't presented yet, which if we got time, will be presented by the 3rd and 1st speaker. And I was the second.

I feel so bad right now. Mostly because, I think I took most of time talking about my points. I have to admit, that I feel like I just speak in a short time, but fuhh~times flies so fast! I guess, it was because speaking is slower than reading? My notes is not that much..but maybe the elaboration took most of the time. And I feel so bad right now. Like, really bad. Although I am not actually sure if I speak that long..but I am really sorry if I was the reason why they couldn't continue to talk about their points. And surely, I will even feel so bad if we got low mark. But I hope for the best.

I write this because I feel bad. And I just want to write them down, as if to put down my guilt. Because as much as I feel bad, I don't want to feel any regret about it, because it happens and I couldn't turn back the time, or change anything about it. Sad, isn't it? But I do realised, there are far more greater guilt that people had experienced in their life. So, I know, I shouldn't whined about it. 

One thing that I've learned today, as I write this entry; you couldn't understand why people feel so bad about something because you wasn't in their shoes. Even if it was just a small matter, but who know's it matters a great deal to them. So, don't judge people as if they don't know how to be grateful if they complain or whined about something/ things that happened to them. Because, you didn't know exactly what happened, and the reason why they were acting that way. 

SpeaksLouder!

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Look diff

I know this is random. But i just found this two pictures in my HD. I just realised..i don't really had many of my pictures taken during my sister's wedding. Just two of this?? Gosh..
Next time i'll get more..






SpeaksLouder!

My Landlord


My landlord is a Greek. He is a very good landlord. A father of three beautiful princess and a husband to a wonderful queen.
We've been his tenants for two years now. And this year will be the third. Thank God, for the opportunity to live in his property this past few years. Easy transaction..and he's been so helpful to us. I guess..that is his job. But to give such concern and attention when we need help.. I could tell that he is a good person.

We will have our major moving next week tuesday and wednesday. So, will be sleeping in the new house soon.
Btw it is hot today! 42°c no wonder!
!

SpeaksLouder!

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Friday talk.

Last Friday, I had a meeting with one of the TIBS leader. We've arranged our meeting one and a half hour earlier before we start our usual bible study summer series. I know this conversation is coming..I did pray in advance if God wants me to be part of it..so that I'll have the courage to say yes..and able to accept with open heart and mind.
I am nervous about it. Of course everyone will. We had our dinner while we chat. And then..the big question finally comes in..and was laid out boldly in front of me. I know..this is a huge opportunity that might not comes often in my life. But most importantly..I know that..this is actually the feeling that I got..when I prayed for my new year resolution this year. So..I was actually having a mixed feeling. I was nervous but excited at the same time.
You see, I've seen myself changed over the years. Being away from my family, studying abroad has given me the chance to grow as a person. And the most exciting part that's been happening in mylife is acknowledging myself changing inside out.
This two years had been a reflection year for me. I learned a lot. I've changed, and I am renewed. I am so very thankful to God, for His love and grace for me.. I am able to come to know more and more about Jesus, and His word..the meaning of His cross and the opportunity to respond His love for me.
I understand if those who read couldn't make sense of what I was trying to say. Nor the people around me whether they know what has been happening to me..or even my family. But its okay. Sometimes they don't have to know..because at the end of the day..it doesn't matter. What matter is knowing that God sees me..and knows me more than anyone. And whatever happens, I could boast, in God who makes all things happen.
I had a good feeling this year. Most probably because I am confident in God, that He is holding my life and has a great plan ahead of me. It is a refreshing start..something that I almost forget I've felt it before. The day when I surrender my life to Jesus!

This year, I was asked to be part of the TIBS board. I will soon start my training as one of the leader for bible study. This is indeed a huge task. A task that I never imagine myself doing. I've never even considered my self to lead others..because most of the time..I was more to 'be part of' instead of 'to lead'. 
However..as I prayed on the new year.. I know that I really longed to be mature in Christ, to know Him more, to have a relationship with Him closer than before. And I believe, as a Christian, our faith grows in an increasing momentum. Although there will be up and down in life, it will always going up hills..bringing us to the next level. We might never actually realised it in life.. But when you reach to a certain stages in life..I am sure..you could see the position of your life..very loud and clear. When you comes to that stage in life..you have to make a decision. What is it that really matter in your life? What is it that you were trying hard to reach out for? In my case..I decided..to give my life to God, and to trust His plan for mylife.

It is a joy in mylife. To be reminded about His faithfulness. Although sometime I do feel like I didn't deserve such love..it makes me feel even more grateful, humbled and most of all..love God for who He is all the more!
I know.. I am a sinner. But God already forgive me. And He already paid ransom for my sins. I am free in Him. I am His precious child, He is my Father, my friend, my counselor, my King, my teacher, my Saviour and my God. And knowing this..almost makes me feel wanting to die to meet Him soon in His kingdom. But before the time comes.. I will trust Him my life.

P/s: TIBS- Trinity International Bible Study


SpeaksLouder!

Its a new day!

Second day of packing. We wake up early at 6am so that we could clean up the back room. Done at 7am. Having brekky till 8am. Rest 1 hour. Soon..start packing the 3rd room. O yeah...
Couldn't decide which room to take. But so far..i finally decided to stay with my current room-mates. I just hope that..we both could study peacefully, sleep tightly. :)
Was thinking to take the first room. But then..the 3rd room seems nice too. Ohh..wasn't sure which room. Hhu..
Anyway..i guess i should continue packing.. :) See u soon!!


SpeaksLouder!

Monday, January 14, 2013

Two plush on my bed..

Introducing my bed-mates. Been sharing my bed with them since October. Haven't got the chance to give them a name yet. Probably because I don't want to get too attached with things? Or maybe just because I haven't thought more seriously about it..
Anyway..on the right is from my 21st birthday gift..and on the right..bought it by myself plush toys. :) I really love those bright colours..really brightens up my bed! Really like them both. They're so soft and warm to cuddle at night. Will definitely bring them home to Sabah. :) can't wait...


SpeaksLouder!

Packing in progress! :)

Yeah..this is it! Although tired..but we are glad! I am going to miss this house! I've lived here for two years! :)


SpeaksLouder!

Moving house..


Hey ya'll.. yesterday my landlord came and gave us the key to our new house. I am so excited on getting the new keys..but thinking about moving all our stuff is not exciting at all. Most of my friends says that..moving is a nightmare for girls. I am not sure if that was a feminist point of view or stereotype comments..but I guess its true when you have lots of things. :)

Today, my housemate and I went to our new house at West St, not too far from our current house.We did some cleanings and mopping, trying to decide which room we should take. Since last two year, each of us got to share bedroom..I was thinking if I could got my own room this year. Since I was the only Christian in the house..I am thinking to have my own space this year. But..I haven't really decide since I have to ask my current roomate if she minds to share with the other housemate. 

I guess, moving house is a good thing. First, we got the chance to sort out things that we don't really needed. Its time to sort out things! :) Secondly, you could re-arrange your house or room with fresher looking. It will be a bonus if the new house is new and more modern looking. Although it was not the case with our new house, I am satisfied enough to move in since I know we are not going to live there forever, being comfortable and convenient is more important. :)

Soon, new juniors will come and stay in our house for a while. Before uni starts, we had to help them settle down and assist them to make sure they know how to survive their next few years in Adelaide. :) I promised my self to make sure I am hospitable as much as I could, since I was treated that way when I first came here in Adelaide. :) 

I would like to share pictures of our current house at Cowra Street, which soon will be sold..in memories.. Hanan..

SpeaksLouder!

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Early morning

Today I wake up so early. Before 6am, just so I'll be on time at the gym for the body pump class. It was fun and challenging experience as well.
Today, I start my summer school. 4hours lectures feels like 2hours. I don't even feel sleepy. I feel so great! Maybe because of the workout I did in the morning. :)

I am more and more excited to continue my workout! :)

SpeaksLouder

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Hidup Hanya sekali : Dinsalee Singa


Hidup hanya sekali
Itupun kan berakhir
Sperti bunga di ladang
Hari ini hidup esok akan layu

Hidup hanya sekali
Sperti embun di pagi hari
Bila mentari terbit menyinari
Ia akan segra lenyap

Sungguh tak berarti hidup ini
Tanpa Yesus dihidupku
Sungguh tak berarti hidup ini
Tanpa Yesus dihidupku
Jadikan ku  alatMu
Bawa jiwa kepadaMu
Untuk KerajaanMu

Monday, January 7, 2013

when you gets older

When you were one more year older, I guess, the way you see life will change as well. Older one more year, means one more year of experience. I just read one of my friend's post in her blog. Just like her, I do feel blessed by everything happened in my life. I guess, when you gets older, you too will start to appreciate everything that happened in your life. And yes, I do. 

Although there are times that things seems so out of my hands, I always know that, in the end, I could do everything in God who strengthen me. And this hope and assurance that I had, cannot be compared with any worldly quotes that I've read. I guess, that is one of the difference of worldly wisdom and Godly wisdom. 

Today, i went to the gym with my house-mate. The first activity I've tried is Body Balance. And I do enjoy the class so much! I'm looking forward to next class. Coming again this Wednesday for Zumba. I came to realise that more and more people talk about Zumba, so I decided to check it out! It was fun being in the gym because it was only for women. And I know where I could spend the rest of my free time when uni starts.

I'm very serious about shedding the kilos I've gained. I guess, it is going to be the last time for me to eat fast food. I am trying to change my diets by eating more fruits and veggies. =)

So, until then...

SpeaksLouder!

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Casual job

Last year, at the end of 2012, i got a job as a cleaner. Actually, it was my senior's previous job..but since she graduated last December..i took over the job. This job came perfectly just in time i need it the most. It's Christmas time, and I planned to do some Christmas shopping for myself. And thank God, I don't have to use my savings for that. I could use my pay to shop for the things I wanted to buy. I actually planned to buy some clothings, but I ended up buying more. Which then, at the end, I concluded myself, I need to plan carefully what I was actually spending my money for. But fair enough, I didn't use all my pay for clothes. I bought a few books at Book Boys and I really enjoy the roller-coaster experience. 

When, I first got this job, the first thing comes to my mind is, whether I am able to do the job or not. Whether I am capable enough to meet the standard of my bos. That is my biggest concern because I haven't got any experience cleaning other people's houses except my own house! But as soon as I started the job, I gradually feel comfortable with the task and now I think I began to get used to it. At first, it is difficult to decide which one to do first. Since the contract is 3hours of cleaning, I had to decide how long I should spare for one task. Firstly, what I did is, dusting all over the house, and then vacuuming, and finally mopping which usually ends with cleaning the toilet. It was difficult to finish it within 3hours, but now.. It gets so much easier. Besides, its just once in a week every Saturday! =)

The second job I got early this year is cleaning as well. But this one is just for temporary because I just took over my friend's job while she goes back to Malaysia. I know it is going to be a long journey going over there, but knowing that it'll just add up my experience and plus i got paid for it..I guess its worth it.

The most important reason why I gladly took these jobs is because, I want to add up my savings so that I could bring over my parents here for my graduation. But seeing my financial plan this year, it seems like it would be impossible to meet two of my biggest aim in money matters, my graduation and my personal savings. But then again, I was reminded that, money is not the most important things I should be focusing on this year. I had my studies and my ministry as well. So, since these are more important than money matters, I know that, I should prioritize my study as well as my well being. It is difficult when materials attention comes into your life. But I prayed to God, so that I will not be blinded by them.

What I hope when I got this job is, it would boost my confidence when it comes to talk with people who are superior than me. To prepare myself when I start working under people's instruction. To be able to understand what they wanted me to do, and to be able to deliver the task with my own initiative. Although I hope for more challenging experience, I guess, this is a stepping stone for me to try it first. Oh, God knows me so well. 

So far, I enjoy doing the job. Although sometime I feel that my boss is so kind, she makes me feel guilty for refusing her offer 1. to drink water or eat something, 2. to pick me up from the city. I feel bad because I had to lie that my friend will drop me off at their house. It was not the truth, but since I am working at their place, I just don't want to put burden on them. As much as I appreciate their kindness, I feel bad because I know they were so sincere. I realised that, I am someone who don't want to be burden to others, and because of that, sometime I feel afraid of accepting kindness from others. I guess, I should learn how to receive more instead of giving all the time. 

Above all, I'm thankful for everything. I thank God for the job, for the new experience, and most of all, I've been healthy and strong to be able to do the job. Soon, I'm going to start my summer school. Although I will get busy with study, I hope, I could manage my time, and balance between working and studying. Amen. :)

SpeaksLouder!

Saturday, January 5, 2013

To love

Hey ya'll...
I just can't help my self to write about this. So before i forget about it, i'm going to write it down.

This year i would like to allow myself to love myself more. Meaning that, I am going to take care of myself more. I know, I've gained 5kilos since I came here, and apparently I become more and more discouraged to do exercise or even simple workout. Except working and walking to uni. That's the only activities that keeps me mobile and active. 
So this summer would be purr-fect to shed the kilos I've gained. So the plan is..to lose those 5kilos and again, try to reach my ideal weight.
I admit, I am very conscious about my appearance. Especially my body weight. Although my BMI is still normal, those kilos I've gained makes me feel tired so easily. So, i guess, that is the first indication of unhealthy body. Not because I am obsessed to get thin, but I wanted to feel healthy and active. Plus, I am a student, so I need healthy body so I could perform better in study. 
Just like when I was in highschool. I am a sport student. And it proves to me that, being active in sports does not mean that one could not have excellent academic. Its just matter of time management, and positive motivation. As saying goes, if there is a will, there is a way! Indeed its true. Well, at least, it applies in my case.
My current weight is 51kilos, and my ideal weight is 44kilos. So the total i wish to lose is 7kilos. It looks big to me! I know it will be hard for me, but I'll try my very best!
-I'll drink plenty of water.
-Exercise regularly
-And of course, healthy diet.

Another thing is, this year..i would like to allow myself to love other people more, to be attentive when i need to, speak less but listen more. I know, some people just need a little bit of our attention. I learned about it at the end of 2012, and i would like to be reminded about it again and again. Above all, i want to love God more.  2012 is the year where most of the time, i tried to pursue things that i thought more easier to get. And although i succeeded to pursue some of them, I tend to forget, to whom, I could actually rely on, and what exactly I really wanted to pursue. It is my relationship with God.

As I sat on my bed on 1st Jan 2013, at 12.20am..I kind of miss my family back home because I know, every new year, we will gather at church and celebrate new year together. So, I pray to God, just like what i did every year. That morning, it hit me that, I am getting older each year, and so far, where is the position of my life? At that point I know what exactly I want in my life.

And it is so refreshing to be reminded that God is with me all the time, and each challenges i face, I know where I could turn to, when things got so out of my hands. God is my hope. And I thank God. So, in New Year I start fresh with new spirit! :)

So, until then! Let's begin this new journey! ^^

SpeaksLouder!

Resolution for 2013

Hey ya everyone! As the title goes, its my resolution for 2013. I did one of my 'to-do-list' this year which is writing a new blog. Yeay! *note:new blog-i'll explain further.
I think its not too late for me to wish everyone Happy New Year 2013! I am looking forward what 2013 could offer me, and most importantly, to experience more, meet more people, travel more, read more, and eat more! If you noticed why i keep saying 'more', not because i am greedy for those things but actually the reason is, this would be my third year in Adelaide, meaning that its my final year. So before i kick my ass outta here, I would love and like and hope that i could create wonderful memories as much as i can!

Before i continue my mumble rumble, here is my resolution for 2013.
1. Do my best in study. Aiming higher by exploits my potential. Aim for HD or D for every subject.
2. Finish my summer school enthusiastically. And of course with HD result.
3. Experience as much as I can in my uni life!
4.  Always be thankful for everything-give peace to my mind.
5. Involve in TIBS, to be equipped and to reach out for others.
6. To walk more with God, and be more Christlike.
7. Save money for my graduation. I want to bring over my mom and dad here!!
8. Be more open minded, and take opportunity instead of shied away from them.
9. Improve my soft skills.
10. To speak more!

This is just 10 of them. Although my actual list is more than that, the rest is too personal for me to share it. Anyway, what's your resolution for this year?? :)
Most of my friends actually put -to get married- as one of their list for 2013. I guess, when you reached the age of 20ties and above, you'll start to talk about more serious relationship. Although i had to admit i was one of those who talks about it, deep down in my heart, i know that, i am not going to have any serious relationship this year. I guess, i'll meet my 'soulmate' in work place? hha!

Moving on, the reason I have this strong feeling to write a new blog is, this year i felt so much fresher..i almost feel like its a start of something new in my life. Thus I feel that, I really need to start putting my thoughts where I could share with others and for me to reflect in the future. So, here I am.

Recently, I've been thinking about my life as a full-time student. I always think that, as a student, it was the most challenging phase of life one could have. But then, when i reflect back this past 4 almost 5 years after i finish my high school, i actually enjoy this phase of my life, and i did experience lots of new things. Despite all the challenges, i think, this wasn't the peak of my life which, if i put it in other words, not the real life yet. I guess, the real life starts when i finish my studies and start working.

In my advance thoughts, I guess, when you start working, you'll have different responsibilities which needs more of your attention and commitment. That is why, student life is busy and hard? nahh..its the most relaxing time of my life. The only most important thing is to study, and the crucial part is to expand my horizons. That is why i never regret of continuing my study. I don't know if what I say actually make any sense, but that is what my inner thoughts is.

Alright, to much self assessment. Its new year, new hopes and new adventure I guess.
1st Jan, i went to a pool party with fellow TIBS member. It was fun! Although I didn't actually go inside the pool, I really enjoy the weather and BBQ! :) I got a casual job, and thank God, everything went smoothly so far. ^^ And soon, I am going to move in into a new house in two weeks time! Can't wait to arrange my new bedroom. I'll upload picture of my house next time.

I guess, I've been talking too much for a first entry. :) Although my brain is still working so fast to form new ideas to write on, I should hold it first for the next entry. Until then, enjoy the rest of the weekend and see you soon! Adios!!

SpeaksLouder!