My bunch of besties from SMESH.

This was a random post in the middle of the week. But not random people. They are my besties, whom I met ten years ago. Ten years of friendship and still going strong.

Some people asked me if I had best-friends or not. And to be honest, I don't know how you classify your friends as best-friend or just friend. Everyone had their definition of friend or best-friend. Some people says that those who you meet often, and share almost everything in your life is your best-friend. Some people says, they are like stars. You don't see them often, but they are there. Some people says, its not so much about what you do together, and share with each other, but how you care for them.

For me, going through those definition is just hard. I remember this reading I have about culture. In the context of culture for example, the author, Llosa said that, 'these collective denominator will never fully define them-only disdainfully remove/neglect the uniqueness attributes that differentiate one member of the group with the other'. I just realised that dealing with definition of friendship, for example, if not employed properly can be reductionist. So, instead of classifying them as best-friend or not, I consider everyone as my friend, though I met them in a different timeline of my life, they are the BEST person I've ever met. Because I don't believe in coincidence. But I believe in God who puts people in my life. Each were made to be there. At that time. At that place.

As I mentioned before, I met many new people, at different place at different time. But this entry, will be EXCLUSIVELY for the ten person who had become the windows of my observing eye, always inspires me. They have become my sisters. My friends. Who had taught me a lot about life. About people. That there is always goodness in each and everyone of us. Nobody is perfect. We are made to be different. And we are to embrace it. I learn to appreciate people through the experience being with them. I remember they give me a truthful comment about myself. It was hard. But I am glad they point out those things to me. They teach me humility. And they aspire me to dream, and to achieve them. Through hardwork and perseverance. They colour my life with all sorts of emotion I could think of. And all sorts of precious memories. Well, the list goes on and on.

But why did they seems to be so important? Seems like having huge impact in mylife? Why is that?

I think because we met in a place where we don't have anyone but each other. Well, if you've ever had experience living and studying in a boarding school, you will know what I meant by that. Also, we met at a time where we are learning about ourselves, others and the reality of this world. We were growing up together. We think, we feel, we analyse together. We agree, we disagree, other maintain, other reject, we push one another to be a better person. And there are lots of other reasons. And that  what makes them special. =)

So here they are. The 10 EXCLUSIVE Person in mylife.

May-the teacher (the systematic)

Onel-the teacher (the youngest, the singer, manja hehe)

Sophie-the lawyer 

Ray-the teacher

Jen-the biotech

Chiba-the biologist

nancy- the analytical & environmental chemist

Iga-the horticulture and landscape

Ratty-environmental eng.

eL- the medical lab. technologist

Voila!! Pretty and strong ladies. Beautiful in their own. Beautiful inside out. =) May God continue to sustain and grow them in His love. 

p/s: kalau ada yg mau berkenalan silakan. But not everyone is available. Ada saturang yg mau upgrade status suda bulan lima ni. Keep praying for her! =D

I miss them very much. Haven't seen them for many years. Some are since we finish our high school. Some are two years ago. Glad that we still keep in touch. FB, skyping and whatsapping! Sometime they can be so humorous, laughing out loud, you don't feel like you're that far away from one another. 

Geng karas. That's what they nicknamed us in highschool. haha! 

I am sure, that we will meet again one day. 

Until then.

Learning to accept things..

Often I told myself to accept things that happened and be glad of it. Since everything that happened was under God's control, nothing will happen that is more than what I can handle. That's my mantra whenever I faced difficulties in life.

My friend asked me this question once. 'Rosa, what is the most challenging experience you've ever had? Suffering or affliction of any kinds?'. Me? Silence.

Well to be honest, I don't know if I had 'the most challenging experience' in life. I often found myself as very accepting of things that happened in life. Ever since I was small, something in me always comfort me, enabling me to accept things. But, I also admit that I did felt frustrated or sad or unhappy because of certain things that didn't go as what I expected, but it was easy for me to be able to accept things. Well, as cliche it is..indeed things happened. 

Today I was reading the book I mentioned in my previous post. At the same time, I was reading JOB for my one year bible reading plan. What a match! So I've been learning about pain and suffering. And I just realised how broken I am, and how much suffering I've endured. Not to the point that I think I've suffered enough. That is not what I meant. What I meant is, I actually face suffering everyday in this fallen world. And the truth is, sometime I was not actually very accepting of things that happened. I was just trying to be tough. And I thought that if I didn't cried, or didn't talk much about it, and just go with the flow, I was doing alright because Peter said that we are to rejoice in our suffering. Little did I know that the meaning of rejoicing in our suffering also happens within sorrow.

What I was reminded was, we are not to be immune of what is happening around us. We do have to emphasize the reality of grief and sorrow. But the difference is, we has something that enable us to rise above this things, that is we rise above them though we feel them. Its not an absence of feeling. This is an important dividing line. 

With this, I have this sudden thought about myself. Sometime, whenever I faced problem or challenges, what I did was I swept things under the carpet and try to forget about it. But how can I forget? I know it was there, but I just don't want to deal with it. That is why, when the problem or I could say, the past catch up with my present, I felt helpless. Therefore, what I learned from this was, instead of sweeping away my problem under the carpet, I should face it like a women. And best deal with it. Instead of running away. Because if not, sooner or later, the past will catch up with the present if not dealt accordingly.

As much as I wanted to comment on how I see this in Jesus' suffering, and why He is often called as man of sorrow, but offered hope and also joy and glory, I think I'll save it in another discussion.

This is my reflection for today.

I haven't fully composed my thought yet, but I decided to write them down anyway. Just in case if I forgot about it tomorrow. Apart from that, I've been reading few journal today. I have another eight to go. So apology if what I wrote above seems boring and nonsense.

Until then. 

Embrace vulnerability.

Vulnerability does not necessarily makes one unworthy of being joyful, thankful and grateful. It actually enhances our experience. Experience that makes us wholehearted, and able to love beyond fears. ~Brown 2010

You don't have to be brilliant to be wise. But brilliant is not enough without wisdom. ~Schwartz 2009

Because of Jesus-there is always hope, even in the darkest moments of your life. ~Keller 2013, 251

I came across with these three sayings today. The first two are from videos uploaded in TED. I am quite a fan of watching and listening to TED talks, indeed their are ideas that are worth sharing. The third one is from the book I am reading at the moment, titled Walking with God through pain and suffering. I would like to recommend people to read this book, not necessarily if you are going through pain and suffering. But because I think the author helps us to understand better about suffering, why and how to deal with it and most importantly helps us to see how bible talks about suffering and how we could applied it in our life. 

On a side note, I asked a wise friend of mine about how she select her readings especially for Christian books. As we all know, there are hundreds and thousands of Christian books available out there, either hard or softcopy. But not all of them are beneficial or trustworthy. One tips I got from her to select a good reading is those that scripture-based. Therefore this one that I am suggesting to you should be fine.

I haven't posted any resolution for 2014 yet. I am still not sure how to start writing them down. I was browsing through my FB timeline the other day, and read some good comments and post which I think I would like to share it here.

1. You are more likely to achieve your resolution if you keep it to yourself.

I literally smile when I read this one. Because apparently, I saw many people posting their new year resolution in their FB. And this particular friend of mine, instead of sharing his resolution in FB, shared this quote. Which makes me think of why I blog about my resolution. This brings me to the next one.

2. I really think that people who posted long statuses should have their own blog.

Haha. I literally laugh at this one. Because sometime I did post long statuses in FB. I did not see this in my FB timeline though. This one was tweeted by my besties. And I really think that what she said makes sense. Well I don't necessarily think that people can't post long statuses in FB because at the end of the day, who am I to prevent them not to? Its their FB and they have their rights to use it the way they want it to be. Besides, sometime people who post long statuses do have something that I could learn from as well. Nevertheless, I love writing down my thoughts. That is why I am here. I just think that FB can't accommodate everything that I wanted to say. =D

I went to work today. My bos is a super nice women, queen of two prince and two princess. She cooked lunch for me and send me home afterwards. I am so thankful and grateful. We had lovely conversation today. The highlight was when she asked me who am I if I am not Malay, not Chinese and obviously not Indian. So I simply said, I am a native in east Malaysia. I am Dusun, and speak Dusun, Malay, English, and little bit of French and Mandarin. She asked me what kind of belief my ancestor had before Islam, Christianity and other religion came to my country, and I said, we used to be pagan and believe in animisme. We used to believe in the spirit of the land, the forest, the spirit of the unseen. Then, long story short, she told me a story that goes like this..

... Before they migrate to Australia, her family used to lived in Xinjiang, a Uyghurs (Turkic ethnic group) territory in Republik of China. There were not many Chinese living in her area at that time, just around 2 or 3 family who lived in the same street with them. There was this Russian lady who taught her mom to read the card-to see the past and also the future. Since then, her mom was quite accomplished in reading the card, so many people came to see her, to get their readings. When she was small, my boss remember that there is this one beautiful Chinese girl who be-friend with her mom. She had this very beautiful silky long black hair (keeping long hair is popular back then). At that time, they have this open cinema where you can bring your chair and watch movies outdoor. One day, the new indoor cinema was opened. Thus, some of their friends asked the Chinese girl to go watch movie with them. After asking and convincing her parents that she is going with friends, her parents finally allowed her to go. While watching the movies, the girl tells her friends that she's going to the toilet. However, after sometime, she didn't come back. Her friends went to look for her. The movie finished, but still she was nowhere to be seen. They've checked the toilet but she was not there. So they thought she went home since it was quite late anyway. So they went home as well. On the other hand, the parents was thinking that since she did not go back that night, they thought that she went to sleep over at her friend's house since it was late. So the next morning, they sent their son to check if their daughter was at her friend's house. But he was surprised she was not with them. The whole village knows about it, and they started searching for her. But to no avail, they didn't found her. At the end, the girl's mom went to see my boss' mother for card reading. My boss remember her mom asked her brother to buy new pack of card because it was believed that the newer the pack, the more accurate the reading are. So her mom did the reading. And my boss remember her mom talking to the girl's mother that her daughter was not alive anymore. Upon hearing it, the girl's mother hysterically cried, so heartbroken with the news. The other women who accompany her ask if this were true, can she identify where the body is? So, her mom went over the card reading but the result were the same, over and over again. She told them she can't tell where the body is. The only thing she can see is filthy, very very filthy. And she was still in town. It was four days before they fly to Australia. Only when they arrived, her mom finally heard the news from home. The Chinese girl was found. In the toilet. The toilet was not like what we have today. Back then the toilet was just a deep squared hole, with a wood plank on it for people to squat on. Once a week, people will dug up the hole to clean it. Only when the cleaner dug up the toilet for weekly cleaning, they found her body. She was raped. And was thrown into the toilet hole. Horrifying but true. So now the mystery resolved.

What a story she had. But now her mom did not do the card reading anymore.

As I arrived home today, I took a short nap. Then cooked fried rice and make a hot black tea. Upon writing this, I was sipping my hot black tea. =D its time to rest. 

Hope you enjoy reading my long entry today. I know its long. =D 

Until then.