to impact others

my dream is to be a teacher. i mean, real teacher. primary school teacher or high-school. both are okay.

but i guess, God didn't put me into that way. indeed at first, i am disappointed when i know that i didn't pass the interview. but i gradually accept it. and it was another life lesson to learn-which is to be bravely admit that God is holding our life, and have faith in God's plan. :)

as for me, teacher is not my first ambition. i keep changing my ambition. especially during primary school. when i look through the 'green file' that we had to update every year, i'll write different ambition for every year. but yeah, i guess everyone write the same ambition in those six years of studying. (ei: teacher, doctor, engineer, architect, police, fireman..etc2..)

it all began when i was in standard four. i guess everyone know the feeling when you've entered the second level of primary school. where you started to use pen instead of pencils, trying hard to make your writing better and better, start to worry about UPSR, know how to get crush on the opposite sex, writing love letter, being friends, fight with friends..etc2.. all those feeling makes me aware that we were so excited back then when we were at school. i kind of, like to watch people around me..to be able to see their reaction in every situation, participating in the youth atmosphere...is exhilarating fun and exciting. i am so grateful! 

for me, i am grateful back then because at that time, between teacher and student, i felt like we are friends. and that is why i always wish that i could do something for my teacher to show my gratitude. and maybe because back then, all my teacher at school are so inspiring. indeed, i came from a small town in Sabah, but it doesn't matter. they help me to see things in a big way. i should thank all my teacher for helping me to dream.

one thing that i am aware why my ambition keep changing is the fact that i was so into watching cantonese drama. did anyone of you remember all the drama we watch at that time? the ICAC-police action movie, sung si yuk-the lawyer who stand up for justice, the malay drama where ppl work as engineer, architect, businessman, acrtoon like usop sontorian, anak2 misbun...etcetc..all influence the way i think, the way i see things, to act and to speak... they entice me to be just like them.. my interest tend to change with anything that i found interesting and captivating...

in fact, during my form 3, i strongly wanted to believe my self that i want to be a businesswomen because i really love studying accounting-KH(Perniagaan dan Keusahawanan)

but when i was in form 4, i was demotivated at the fact that i am not really good in my add-math.

meeting with great teachers in high-school motivate me to be just like them. they inspire me a lot! i am not sure about other people, but i always had this feeling when i met one. it was like my heart was about to burst open in any second when they talk. all their wise advice and sharing experience hit me to the core of my heart. those inspiring stories and words, sink deeply in my mind and that is how i started to dream~ to be like them.

and if i am a teacher, i want to do the same thing to my students. i don't want to simply teach them from textbook..but more than that. i want to help them to realise their dreams. 

i am a dreamer. i have many dream. and if none of my dream didn't comes true, i'll help my students to achieve their dream. so in that way, all my dream will come true. it may sound self-centered ambition.. but no. it is not that way. my dream is to impact others. 

i know to impact others is such a big dream. and knowing all my weaknesses, sometime,demotivate me. i feel like i should stop dreaming and become more realistic. but isn't to be realistic, sometime start with a dream?

i hold a lot of fear in my heart. but deep down, i always believe that someday, by believing and putting complete trust to God, i will someday achieve my dream. in the mean time, i should do something to accomplish that dream.

and if all the difficulties and obstacle in life are the lesson i have to go through before i can achieve my dream, i will and always accept them with open heart and open mind.