2012: new hope, new insight

This year I hope I am stronger than last year. I hope I could overcome my fear of being a stranger in a new place. What I’ve been through last year, taught me a lot.

To give thanks in every situation, always remember that God is in control, I do not have to be afraid of anything because God is with me. I realized that, everytime I am down, God always has His own ways to cheer me up. Thank God for everything.

Fear.

Scared and uncertainty are the most fearful feeling I felt last year. Countless night of praying and crying. I felt so small, almost nothing but a dust on air. My life was like a dandelion, flying wherever the wind blows. I felt so broken to a point where the feeling is like being stranded on a sea of strange desert, where I saw nothing but a dull, brown desert.

My heart cried.

My heart was crying for help whom I don’t know to whom. I longed for someone who I can talk to, a shoulder to cry on and a companion who can give me wise advise. Because of that feeling, I began to put a wall around me, keeping distance from anyone who tried to pull me out. I tried to swim out from the confusion, but eventually I drowned, again and again.

Overwhelming feeling

In my life, there is no reason for me not to believe, or pretend to be blind how God’s love works. Everything, yes everything I have, I see or experiencing are God’s gift. I am more than grateful. But truly I said, to work out our own salvation is not easy. I have to carry my own cross. For that, all the pain, the tears, the hurt, the hardship, the struggle, the joy and happiness..are worth to experience. I don’t know what is the most memorable moments in my lifetime. But I can name a few.  

On my 20^th the most overwhelming feeling that I wish to keep till I die is, the moment when, everytime I saw a Church, my heart race into a melodious rhythm that I myself couldn’t comprehend. At first I thought that, I missed going to church. That’s all. But honestly, its more than that. It’s not about His house, but His presence. God knows that human easily forgot. I am thankful God remind me that I am nothing without Him. God wanted to tell me that He’s always there for me, anytime, anywhere..wherever I go, wherever I am.

Peace.


I always believe God will answer our prayer on His own time, and at the exact moment. On that particular Sunday, I got a beautiful message from 2 Corinthians 4. I still remember the title: Treasure in clay Jars. That day, I finally found my peace. I even meet a few friends who just like a family, who support and encourage me.

Polished like a pearl.

Dirt in the seabed, with all the unwanted particles on the sea were once not appreciated. But years of horrendous experience that we don’t even know how, or what.. had formed a beautiful pearl. I picture my life like a pearl. In times, I might not understand why, but at the end, I know God had planned everything ahead.  Beautiful on its own time.