hey all..

its been sometime i didn't really put myself into writing..not to forgot to mention my previous entry..it is well-linked with what i'm going to post today..
you see..something came up lately..and i'm feeling terribly tired and sad right now..i've been posting my innermost feeling at fb..and writing entry which actually what my heart wanna say..
the reason why i've been moody tis past few weeks or day is..


it's over.. ~

i'm not sure if anyone realise i am having a bad day..and having a difficult times.. only some people know.. especially my sis who sat next to me.. our discussion about marketing and economics had helped me a lot to go through the pain i'm having..

what is being 'over'?

lets kept it a question..after all..its complicated and boring to explain. you'll understand eventually.

today feel different.. something's missing..

i do feel something is not right..but the reason is on my previous post in fb.. yup..its over that is why i felt different..that something's missing.. half of my heart is missing...

i'm trying to hold on..its been so hard for me..yup..it must been very hard..that i post encouragement to me..

sabar seja la allyn... :)

ya..sabar allyn..sabar..

but the more i kept it in myself..the more my heart cried the more i felt hurt..

God .. my ♥ 's hurt like stomachache..

indeed its hurt like stomachache.. can u imagine that pain.. 

well you could if u ever got stomach upset..especially when the pain is at maximum..that's how its like.. or maybe more painful..beyond what you could imagine..

this feeling distract me so much..i couldn't concentrate doing my final assignment for this sem..i couldn't think any to write for my 1500words development study essay..this will affect my marks..i know it will..

heart and mind.. please cooperate.. please.. finish this task first..

but i'll do my best to finish it..i'm not giving up..this is the largest percentage in this subject..so i better do it..

i almost hate night..why ? cause i can't sleep.. i did go to bed early now.. not like last time..but still can't sleep..i'll stay awake and keep telling myself to sleep. this is the problem.

at last, i've got the cure. i've been praying and reading bible before i sleep. but last night God give me exactly what i need. those words reminds me and seems to tell me what should i do..

ask forgiveness..that even you come closer to God when things between you and others is not yet settled, u've been hypocrite to God..and God is love yet fair..he'll still look at you being hypocrite..at Him and also to yourself.. it slapped my heart and my pride...

i am so sory for whoever i've hurt their feelings..

i never had any intention to hurt your feelings.. i never want..and i would never do..

i know that i have faults..that even i say i never want to hurt you..that's exactly what i did..and i'm sorry..

maybe because i am hurt too..and i want you to feel the same..

i wonder is that how most people did and human did..?? i wonder.. is that the reason why we hurt others because we are hurt at the first place..

how i wish i could love others like we loved God coz God has first love us..

but i know i couldn't compare with my love with God's love coz God's love is greater than anything..greater than human's..

we, humans.. we always change..  everything will change..

this changes is what happening to me now..

i've changed..

my thoughts, my feelings.. it changed..

it think more, and feel more.. the more i know..the more is more..

alright..i start to loose my track..i better go back to track..

mmm..this is my pray last night..

God, I prayed that I could go thru tis pain. Amen. :) Good nite all.. ♥

indeed it's better to pray for strength to be able to go through the pain rather than ask God to put away the pain. coz whatever i did, the pain is there and the realisation that the pain wont go away and is there..

the painful i felt..i just have to go through with it.. eventually it'll get better..

anyway..i know i am being emotional lately.. i'm sorry..this is soo not me..

but i am merely a human that have faults and weaknesses.

sometime i couldn't hide my feeling..

and its better to express rather than to keep it inside.

let the problem be kept in my heart. coz i would like to share it only with my Father. i know He sees me through. and every pain i have He understand.

i prayed that, God also kept him into his grace. that he will also have the courage and strength to go through this all. this must be hard for him too..as much as what i felt.

i'm not being considerate. just being understanding. i deeply understand what it felts.

may God give him peace and a heart of joy. that this pain will eventually eased.. that he'll have a heart..to do whatever he wants in his life...

amen..