No April Fool this year - 2020

It has been a while.

I no longer had the discipline to keep writing.

But tonight I just felt like doing it.

Today is 1st April 2020. April Fool they said.

But can't do April Fool this time due to the Covid-19, a pandemic disease that currently affecting us, not just in Sabah, Malaysia but the whole world.

Due to this, the Movement Restriction Order is in place. We are no longer allowed to move/go anywhere freely. This is to ensure that we could stop the spreading of the virus which has no vaccine until this moment. Yet, our country is doing the best we could.

Today we finally got the news. A call and then the official letter finally comes in. Yup, most of us got to go through on Unpaid Leave starting 1st May 2020 to ensure the company can still survive during this difficult time as the Tourism industry is heavily impacted due to no tourist arrival. When things get better, then we can all come back to work as usual. Fingers crossed.

I am not sure how long would this be. But I am no longer sure if I will still be working in the company. But 1 thing that I am sure is.. that we will go through this difficult time because everything will pass soon.

I am glad though. Because of this Covid-19 and the MRO, I have more time to reflect. Some of the things that I realized is not that nice but not bad either. But it surely gives me a perspective to look at. I realized that I have neglected some of the things that I shouldn't but I also learn much hard truths. It makes me feel uneasy. I find myself frantically looking for something to understand what I am feeling and how to handle things. I went to google, read bible passages, talking with a friend, just to get my mind clear. And because of this, finally..finally what I've found is.. it resounds more clearly that what I really need is actually - GOD.

And for that again, I come back to my first love. And I found peace.

Becoming a mother

With heartfelt gratitude and thanksgiving to God, after 39weeks and 4days, the delivery has been smooth. Coming to the end of my pregnancy, I was a bit anxious and nervous about giving birth.  Mostly because I could not imagine the contraction pain or the whole process at the delivery room. I am thankful to have my sister Yann as my advisor, and my dear sister Onel who shared her experience. We were just 1 months apart.

On Monday, 8^th of July, as usual we went back to Kota Kinabalu for my clinic check-up. My due date was supposed to be on the 12 July but I didn’t feel any contraction pain yet. The journey from Ranau to KK was somehow a bit painful as I started to feel back pain. After going to clinic at 2pm, I drove to Hospital Likas to visit my niece who are hospitalised due to infection. Then around 5pm, I started to feel back pain. The pain come and go. When I asked my sister and after describing the pain to her, she said the contraction pain had started. It was bearable as it only come and go around 15mins interval.

But at night, it started to have a shorter gap. Around 7 – 5mins gap. I began to worry as my husband is at Ranau. He will only go down to KK tomorrow morning. I prayed to God to at least wait for my husband to be with me before I go to the hospital. The whole night, the contraction pain is getting worst. I could not sleep well. Here’s the chronology of my contraction pain until my delivery.

5pm – contraction pain started - 15mins gap.

10pm – contraction pain – 7mins gap.

Next day..

4am – contraction pain – 5mins gap.

7am – contraction pain – 3mins gap.

I got a message from hubby that he is driving back to KK soon. So I decided to take shower, wear my most comfortable clothes, and wear the overnight pad. I was preparing to go to hospital. I was waiting for the sign – either water breaks or bloody vaginal discharge.

Other signs that I noticed during my contraction:

1. Lower back pain and cramping – this come and goes

2. Diarrhea and a little nausea

3. Strong and regular contraction – this finally leads to bloody discharge.

9.30am – Hubby arrived around this time and my contraction was getting stronger.

10.30am – I went to the toilet to pee and when I check my pad, there’s a bloody vaginal + mucus. I calmly tell mom and hubby that it is time to go to the hospital.

On the way, I was a bit nervous as the contraction is getting shorter and I started to control my breathing. Hubby was a bit concerned to but I told him to just drive calmly.

11.15am – Arrived at the Hospital Likas, went up to Level 2. Went in to the Assessment Room, inform the nurse at the counter that I have bloody discharge, that my contraction started at 5pm yesterday.

11.30am – change my clothes to the pink robe. Doctors and nurses started to do the checkup. I was 5cm! And will be sent to the delivery room as soon as the room is available. Went for a scan to check on baby’s position. All good and I am waiting to be transferred to the labour room.

12.30pm – Transferred to the labour room. Hubby is waiting outside and joining me later after all the paperwork. Doctor said they will check again at 4pm to see the opening. My contraction come and go.

4pm – Checked for my opening but still 5cm. They said that they will assist to break my water so that the opening will be faster. It was done but the contraction is getting worst. Doc gave me option for the pain relief. Initially I chose Nitrous oxide, but it doesn’t stop the pain entirely. Then I asked for Pethidine which was injected directly to my buttock. I felt sleepy right after. And I slept for about 1 hour before I finally woke up feeling like I was going to poop.

8pm - It happens so fast. The midwife asked me to put my legs up and I start to push. The other nurse and doctors are cheering for me. I look at hubby and he looked confused, not knowing what to do. I smiled at him and ask him to hold my back and wipe my tears. Then finally at

8.10pm - I heard my baby boy 1^st cry! What a wonderful feeling! 😊

When I think back, throughout the process, I was quite calm. Because I have set my mind that I want to fully enjoy the moment and to be able to remember so that I can write. Well, of course the pain was beyond what I could describe but for me, it is bearable. So to mom-to-be out there, don’t worry. It is indeed very painful, but it is bearable.

Due to the episiotomy - a surgical cut made in the perineum (the area between the vagina and the anus — usually to widen the vagina to hasten birth), I got stitches and it is as painful as what people said. But I went through it with lots of controlled breathing and holding the rail on my bed. After that, I got to hold my little baby for skin to skin contact for about 30mins before the midwife took my baby for a bath. When the midwife return, I finally got to see my baby with his cute clothes. He smells sooo nice. 😊

11pm - I was transferred to the ward. The next morning, I was discharged but baby had to stay in the hospital due to his bilirubin level is too high (jaundice). We were there for another 5 nights which is the most heart-breaking moment for me. Yet, during this time, I got to rest well, and finally accepting that I am becoming a mother.

09.07.2019

Our thanksgiving for the gift from God.

09.07.2019

Baby Dyllent Othniel Hillary

1 Samuel 1:27‭-‬28
I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord . For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord .” And he worshiped the Lord there.

Dearest baby,

Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Psalm 139:1‭-‬18
You have searched me, Lord , and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord , know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you.

WORD OF WISDOM FOR 2019

This post is long overdue. It is already half of 2019 and I am already in the word of wisdom for my 2019.

2014 - Learn

2015 - Decision

2016 - Action

2017 - Bold

2018 - Excellent

Last year was my excellent year and it close well with the Shining Star award during the Annual Dinner @ my office. I am just so thankful for all the opportunity I got and the unending support I received from my colleague.

This year will be a lot of changes, and so far I am happy that it is in line with what I am currently doing and also what I face at my workplace.

My word of wisdom for 2019 is CHANGE. I got this word at the end of 2018 and I am reminded with the sharing I got from my colleague Tracy and Mercella.

Sometime, all I need is some CHANGES to happen in life. And this three things shared by Mercella really struck me.

To have a change in life:
1. Read the word of God
2. Be disciplined
3. Change the habit

The word of God have changed so many life. And I am most humbled by how God did the same to me when His word become my daily bread.
It is easy to be sidetracked but with discipline, I am more conscious now on how I spend my time to do my work, for my family, ministry and myself.
And it slowly change my habit of procrastinating that always hamper my productivity. And the lesson I learned about changing my habit is, I am more conscious on what I am doing, what I am thinking and how am I feeling. I am more mindful and more positive & calm.

These are the things that keeps me going for the half of the 12 months so far.

On a side note, currently I am 36 weeks & 2 days pregnant with our first one (YEAY!) and I am thankful to God for this wonderful gift. My husband and I were hoping that baby is ready to meet the world on the 1st July 2019 (Our 2nd anniversary :D) hehe,, (EDD is 12 July) but of course la.. dari baby ja.. the most important thing is baby sihat.

Please pray for us! Sometime I do feel nervous, with mixed feeling. I can only surrender to God, praying so that all will be well. :)

Well, that's all for a quick update..

Forever.

Putting My Dream To Test

Recently, we have a Master Mind Circle (MMC) in our office where we got to share the books that we read and have discussion on the learning points from the book.

So we've started with the book titled Put Your Dream To Test by John C.Maxwell, a well known author. It start off by saying that all people have dream. But most people do not know how to achieve their dreams.

It is very interesting the way how John define the meaning of dream, which I personally got inspired: 

A dream is an inspiring picture of the future that energizes your mind, will, and emotions, empowering you to do everything you can to achieve it. A genuine dream is a picture and blueprint of

a person’s PURPOSE and POTENTIAL.

Four Common Reasons Why People Have Trouble Identifying Their Dream

1. Some People Have Been Discouraged From Dreaming BY OTHERS.

2. Some People Are Hindered By Past DISAPPOINTMENT and HURTS. Disappointment is the gap between EXPECTATION and REALITY.

3. Some People Get in the Habit of Settling for AVERAGE. 

4. Some People Lack the CONFIDENCE Needed to Pursue Their Dreams.

We all have 'The ONE Forgotten Dream'. And for me, it was to be a skilled and creative Tailor. I still think about it from time to time but I have never really do anything about it.

Revisiting this book given by my mentor Willie when I just started my first job at BET. Everyone have a BIG dream that seems to be forgotten. But it doesn't have to be that way. Successful people dream. And they achieve it. Dream is an inspiring picture of the future that energise your mind, will, and emotions, empowering you to do everything you can to achieve it. Dream can be put to test and pass. 

And I am in the journey to finding back my dream, and to put test on it. :)

WORD OF WISDOM FOR 2018

Hi,

It has been so long I haven't write anything here.

I have to say that 2016 had been such an amazing year for me. Despite all the ups and the down, everything now seems like it was a great year! So I thank God for that.

The highlight of my 2016 are: 

Bible Study Group - Romans, John, Acts

Engagement with my childhood sweetheart - Mr Hillary S. (Now is my dear Husband =) )

Recwel President - The highlight is the Scavanger Hunt series and the Annual Dinner.

Many more. And I really felt that it was my ACTION year. Lots of happening here and there.

So this year is my BOLD year. My highlight so far..

Bali Trip with Karas for 6D5N - Almost like my trip before changing my status

Promoted to be Senior Tour Consultant - After 3 years working in BET.

Celebration of love - Married with my childhood sweetheart, Mr Husband!!

Coming back after 2 weeks holiday with a change status, wow. I feel like I am a new person. Not sure why I felt that but I began to think that there is nothing that I couldn't go through and every situation no matter how hard it seem, things will change because there is nothing fixed or permanent in this world.  And I want to thank God for that. And especially to my colleagues who are very supportive and very understanding. Heartfelt thank you to my Ass. GM, Sue, who are very supportive for the first half year of 2017. Without her understanding, I wouldn't be able to breath especially during high season!

To cut short this post, I just wanted to say that I really enjoy listing down the word of wisdom for every year. It has been 4 years now since 2014 (Learning), 2015 (Decision), 2016 (Action), 2017 (Bold) and next year (2018) I already get my word of wisdom!! It will be EXCELLENT!

I don't know why I am so excited to keep listing this words but it really helps me to keep me on track. I have this word to keep me going for the rest of the year and looking back, it really is such a journey for me. 

This word came about when I was handling my booking and some of my clients give a very positive feedback. But for those that didn't, I don't really mind because I know that they did stretched me to be better next time. It was also due to the recent training that we had in the office called 'Go Put Your Strength To Work by Marcus Buckingham. And I really enjoyed it. I learned that most of the time, it was easier to talk about our weakness. But not so much on our strength. So, this training really helps me to focus on my strength and really put my strength to work. Special thanks to our HR team, Yuko and Lea.

So next year, I hope that I am able to rise above the challenges and improve on the quality of my work, to deliver excellently in anything I do. :)

Next post to be continued...

Learn. Decision. Action. BOLD

Early this year, I had the opportunity to go for a new year outing with the youth at my local church. We had a great day at Lingkubang. A place where you will be refreshed. It was a simple getaway, but memorable one. On one of the conversation we had, I've asked this question to them. To describe one word for 2015 and 1 word to describe how would your 2016 be.

Early this week, suddenly this words come to me. I think this would be my word of wisdom for next year.

I want to trust God for the year of 2017. There are so many things that I look forward to.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. (Jeremiah 29:11-13)

Update: Season's Greetings and Getting Engaged

Wow, looking back it is almost a year without any post from me. Almost forgotten. Almost give up to recover the password for this blog. But thank God! Here I am :)

Well, it is almost the time of the year! Who doesn't love this seasons? There are lots of happening around this time. Even at our office we had a deco competition between department, sing carols and soon to have Christmas Lunch.

Few updates from me..

Suprise2.. I am engaged! And it was with my childhood sweetheart. I will tell you our story in another post. 

With the big family.

 

Hillary a.k.a bonong 

Right after our Engagement,  another event was the Staff Annual Dinner. And like every other year, Recwel Committee will be in charge of the event. 

Soon will be the Christmas Lunch.

I think towards the end of the year, there are lots of REDs going on. Thinking of getting other colour for Christmas. :)

That was the update from me and adios!

New day, new me.

It has been a year without any news from me.

It has been a while I haven't wrote anything.

It has been a journey for me to be here today.

It has been a great and wonderful year!

Recently I asked my friends, about how they would describe their year 2015 in one word. And further to the question, I asked them to describe their year 2016. The feedback is very interesting. 

Their 2015 had been: GEMUK, KOTUT, CHALLENGING, STUPIDITY, LEARNING, NEW. Some says, it is hard to describe it in just one word when the year had been a roller coaster for them. But they said.. their 2015 is to NEVER GIVE UP.

Their 2016 would be: KURUS, FINANCIAL, HAPPINESS, DECISION, IMPROVE, ADVENTURE.

Amused, encourage and it makes me think about my own.

For me, my 2015 would be DECISION.

I face so many important decision last year. I have to be honest however, that there are times that I actually regretted with the decision I've made. Some are delayed decision until it is too late to make one. But then, I realized that whatever my decision is, whether it turns out to be good or bad..I learned and experience the different side of the coins which left me valuable lessons to bring for ward in 2016.

In 2016, I would describe it as ACTION.

I will be more proactive. And be a responsible person. And make 2016 a wonderful year. Thus, instead of focusing on too many plan, I will focus on one thing at a time and take action and make it happen.

That is why, the first thing I do today.. is to write about it. And will make it happen in 2016.

How about you? How would you describe your 2015? How about 2016? 

With that questions in mind, I leave you with the quote of the day.

"The only limit to your impact is your imagination and commitment" - Anthony Robbins

January 2015!

I know..I know. I haven't write anything since last year. I don't even conclude my year 2014! and I don't even write my 2015 resolution. No updates. And I went missing since last year. >.<'

I have no other excuses other than my time and new responsibility did not permit me to do so. I've written many small notes in my journal. And most of them I keep it for my own reflection. I don't know why. But time flies so fast! And it is end of January! Its been a month in the year of 2015! 

It has been one exciting month. A month of a new beginning. I have a great start in the beginning of the year. Although I have one close relative who had passed away on the 1st of January 2015. But to trust on God's blessing and His perfect plan, I am rest assured.

Highlight at my workplace:

Staff Annual Gathering / Christmas Lunch / CONNECT / Finally I got my CONFIRMATION letter

Family

My brother got a job as an engineer in one of the hosp. in Kota Kinabalu. My sister got her new car. My eldest sister decided to become a full-time housewife -meaning more time with Doya. More durians at Kampung. KANTIS Generation Family Day -we had a great time together with my extended family. Esp with Aki & Idi.

Friends

My best friend got married! The rest of us (girlfriends) enjoyed being her bridesmaids. We went to Tawau. My friend - teacher - finally got her posting! Wish you all the best friend!

Ministry
I am thankful to God for the opportunity to serve in the PLKN Ministry. We had an encouraging time learning who Jesus is. And I am so grateful to this one particular friend who taught me about honesty and sincerity. For that I really appreciate his friendship with me. I look forward to our future ministry.

Above all, I want to praise God who had enabled me to go through everything. For without Him, none of this is possible.
 

Thankful day!

It has been four months since I've started my 1st job. I am glad and thankful to be able to stand today. Not because of my own strength, but through God I am able. And because of Him, everything I do is purposeful.

It was almost at the end of the month. A few of my colleagues are leaving for another endeavor in their life. For that, I wish them well and success, and may God's blessing be with them in all of their ways.

Two weeks ago, I met a new friend. Let's name him as Mr. K. He used to be my school mate when I was in primary school back in KK. But I don't remember him at all since he was my sis's classmate. Glad to know him, he invite me to join their group to PLKN camp at Tuaran for a short fellowship with the trainee. What a wonderful experience!

I make a new friends and I look forward to join this ministry.

As for work, its a new direction to be explored. I am now taking over a new task because my dear friend Willie is heading off to Brunei end of this month! I am sad to see him leaving, I feel like there is so much more to learn from him. It was still too soon for him to go. But I know that I can't be selfish. And there is a bright future for him on the other side of this country. For that, I bid him a good 'good bye' knowing that we will continue to be friend. Kan Willie? =)

It's always hard to see people go. Though I've farewell so many people in my lifetime, it's always hard to say good bye especially when they left a footprint in my heart. But I am thankful to be reminded that they will always be in the good hand of our God. For that I am happy to see them go.

As for my very personal life, I look forward to experience new things, to polish and develop new skills, be more confident in all I do, especially to be myself. I also look forward to grow more like Christ, each day in my life.

Its been a good October. Soon it ends. But for now, I am thankful for the present times. 

Step out in faith and obedience to God, despite my fear.

As I reflect myself in these 7 months time, I noticed many changes, not only the environment and the circumstances I faced, but also myself - inside out. The inevitable changes, sometimes I wondered if I had learned something out of it.

Though, many times I feel like time flies so fast, I’d realise more and more that I am moving as well. Moving towards another phase in my adult life, towards my dream and towards many possibilities that life could offer.

But many of those moments, I also feel uncertain and afraid. It is very discouraging to feel that way when deep inside my heart I look forward to try or learn something new.

Many times I think I should wait to do something until I am no longer afraid. Now I realized that if I did that, I’d probably accomplish very little for God, for others, or even for myself.

For that I am thankful to be reminded. Through the story of Abram, who obeyed God in spite of fear. So I also decided to put my fear aside and do what God tells me to do.

Do what God wants me to do, even if I have to do it afraid! The rewards of it are great.

2nd month - have my own pace

Holla evribadeh!!

Though this post is overdue, I wish to extend my gratitude especially to God and everyone who had been so supportive to me.

I've started working on the 16th of June. It's been 2 months now working at BET.  Every single day has been a blessing. I appreciate all the good and the bad, the sweat and the tears and the laugh and joy that I have go through in these two months. I honestly could not make it without the love and support from my family members and also everyone in the office. Thank YOU!!

This two months teach me about three things:

1.Attitude

2.Overcoming fear

3. Management

I have to admit that I wasn't good at those above. But I am thankful for the opportunity to learn about it.

Currently I'm trying my best to have my own pace in my workplace. Glad to have the ups and downs of life, I'm sure that God is 100% in control.

3rd Week at BET

Warmest greetings from me! ^_^

Its been more than three weeks since I've started my first official job. We had debtors list meeting three days ago and again my bos-Mr. B ask me how is it going so far. I'm thankful that everything is good so far. I still have lots to learned. Still have lots to explore.

I don't have a definite answer to where I am going from this stage onward. But I am sure that God is with me. And He is preparing me through this new environment/responsibility/circumstance.

Its been a good journey though. Not as smooth as it look like from the outside but neither not as rough as imagined inside.

I don't know why I often found my self in Anthropologist and Economist mode. I guess everyone is one most of the time. Its just that they either don't know it or don't bother to even understand or know what is anthro+econs.

Anyway today is the last day for this week. Next week weds will be officially my 4th week a.k.a 1 month working at BET.

I Will post another entry for that. Anyway..I think that's all for now.

the turning point towards anthro.

¨Anthropology teaches us about other peoples, and in the process it teaches us about ourselves. The anthropologist’s method is different from that of other social scientists, and this influences the nature of the discipline – its theories, concepts, and procedures. Anthropological research involves a journey, a journey in space, a journey through time, a psychological journey into an alien world. It resembles Alice’s trip through the looking glass into another universe where the ‘rules’ may be turned on their heads and people may behave in very different ways.

In many of those memorable lecture that I came across, this is the one that really make me hooked with anthropology. I wasn't into anthro before. I'm more into Dev. Study, chinese language and economics.

But then, I guess, this was the moment that change the course of my journey for the next two years in UniofA. I never regretted this as I enjoy it very much. and thanks God for that.

Every good endeavor.

Praise God for the new stage in my life. It has been a month since I graduated, and approximately 45days since my last uni life. To be honest, I have been missing my studentlife..erm..quite badly I guess. I miss the daily routine of being just a student. BUT I don't miss the stress of just studying.

I am currently working in BET, a company that promotes eco-tourism. I am very new to this industry since I have no background in doing tourism. Nevertheless, I seek to take this opportunity to gain new experience and challenge myself, for the things that I have never done before. I wish to learn and improve my soft-skills. I hope I could do my best and with that I surrendered the rest onto God's hand.

It has been a good experience so far. My colleagues are all very helpful and understanding. I wish to work hand-in-hand with them in near future.

One thing that really changed my daily routine is my sleep time. Usually I sleep around 11pm or 12pm. But since I've started working, I felt tired once I was home. And I feel sleepy even before 9pm! I have a good rest though. Waking up at 6am is usual for me. Had my morning hotdrink, and I'm ready to go.

Well, there's still much to share. But I will update more soon. Until then, take care!

My bunch of besties from SMESH.

This was a random post in the middle of the week. But not random people. They are my besties, whom I met ten years ago. Ten years of friendship and still going strong.

Some people asked me if I had best-friends or not. And to be honest, I don't know how you classify your friends as best-friend or just friend. Everyone had their definition of friend or best-friend. Some people says that those who you meet often, and share almost everything in your life is your best-friend. Some people says, they are like stars. You don't see them often, but they are there. Some people says, its not so much about what you do together, and share with each other, but how you care for them.

For me, going through those definition is just hard. I remember this reading I have about culture. In the context of culture for example, the author, Llosa said that, 'these collective denominator will never fully define them-only disdainfully remove/neglect the uniqueness attributes that differentiate one member of the group with the other'. I just realised that dealing with definition of friendship, for example, if not employed properly can be reductionist. So, instead of classifying them as best-friend or not, I consider everyone as my friend, though I met them in a different timeline of my life, they are the BEST person I've ever met. Because I don't believe in coincidence. But I believe in God who puts people in my life. Each were made to be there. At that time. At that place.

As I mentioned before, I met many new people, at different place at different time. But this entry, will be EXCLUSIVELY for the ten person who had become the windows of my observing eye, always inspires me. They have become my sisters. My friends. Who had taught me a lot about life. About people. That there is always goodness in each and everyone of us. Nobody is perfect. We are made to be different. And we are to embrace it. I learn to appreciate people through the experience being with them. I remember they give me a truthful comment about myself. It was hard. But I am glad they point out those things to me. They teach me humility. And they aspire me to dream, and to achieve them. Through hardwork and perseverance. They colour my life with all sorts of emotion I could think of. And all sorts of precious memories. Well, the list goes on and on.

But why did they seems to be so important? Seems like having huge impact in mylife? Why is that?

I think because we met in a place where we don't have anyone but each other. Well, if you've ever had experience living and studying in a boarding school, you will know what I meant by that. Also, we met at a time where we are learning about ourselves, others and the reality of this world. We were growing up together. We think, we feel, we analyse together. We agree, we disagree, other maintain, other reject, we push one another to be a better person. And there are lots of other reasons. And that  what makes them special. =)

So here they are. The 10 EXCLUSIVE Person in mylife.

May-the teacher (the systematic)

Onel-the teacher (the youngest, the singer, manja hehe)

Sophie-the lawyer 

Ray-the teacher

Jen-the biotech

Chiba-the biologist

nancy- the analytical & environmental chemist

Iga-the horticulture and landscape

Ratty-environmental eng.

eL- the medical lab. technologist

Voila!! Pretty and strong ladies. Beautiful in their own. Beautiful inside out. =) May God continue to sustain and grow them in His love. 

p/s: kalau ada yg mau berkenalan silakan. But not everyone is available. Ada saturang yg mau upgrade status suda bulan lima ni. Keep praying for her! =D

I miss them very much. Haven't seen them for many years. Some are since we finish our high school. Some are two years ago. Glad that we still keep in touch. FB, skyping and whatsapping! Sometime they can be so humorous, laughing out loud, you don't feel like you're that far away from one another. 

Geng karas. That's what they nicknamed us in highschool. haha! 

I am sure, that we will meet again one day. 

Until then.

Learning to accept things..

Often I told myself to accept things that happened and be glad of it. Since everything that happened was under God's control, nothing will happen that is more than what I can handle. That's my mantra whenever I faced difficulties in life.

My friend asked me this question once. 'Rosa, what is the most challenging experience you've ever had? Suffering or affliction of any kinds?'. Me? Silence.

Well to be honest, I don't know if I had 'the most challenging experience' in life. I often found myself as very accepting of things that happened in life. Ever since I was small, something in me always comfort me, enabling me to accept things. But, I also admit that I did felt frustrated or sad or unhappy because of certain things that didn't go as what I expected, but it was easy for me to be able to accept things. Well, as cliche it is..indeed things happened. 

Today I was reading the book I mentioned in my previous post. At the same time, I was reading JOB for my one year bible reading plan. What a match! So I've been learning about pain and suffering. And I just realised how broken I am, and how much suffering I've endured. Not to the point that I think I've suffered enough. That is not what I meant. What I meant is, I actually face suffering everyday in this fallen world. And the truth is, sometime I was not actually very accepting of things that happened. I was just trying to be tough. And I thought that if I didn't cried, or didn't talk much about it, and just go with the flow, I was doing alright because Peter said that we are to rejoice in our suffering. Little did I know that the meaning of rejoicing in our suffering also happens within sorrow.

What I was reminded was, we are not to be immune of what is happening around us. We do have to emphasize the reality of grief and sorrow. But the difference is, we has something that enable us to rise above this things, that is we rise above them though we feel them. Its not an absence of feeling. This is an important dividing line. 

With this, I have this sudden thought about myself. Sometime, whenever I faced problem or challenges, what I did was I swept things under the carpet and try to forget about it. But how can I forget? I know it was there, but I just don't want to deal with it. That is why, when the problem or I could say, the past catch up with my present, I felt helpless. Therefore, what I learned from this was, instead of sweeping away my problem under the carpet, I should face it like a women. And best deal with it. Instead of running away. Because if not, sooner or later, the past will catch up with the present if not dealt accordingly.

As much as I wanted to comment on how I see this in Jesus' suffering, and why He is often called as man of sorrow, but offered hope and also joy and glory, I think I'll save it in another discussion.

This is my reflection for today.

I haven't fully composed my thought yet, but I decided to write them down anyway. Just in case if I forgot about it tomorrow. Apart from that, I've been reading few journal today. I have another eight to go. So apology if what I wrote above seems boring and nonsense.

Until then. 

Embrace vulnerability.

Vulnerability does not necessarily makes one unworthy of being joyful, thankful and grateful. It actually enhances our experience. Experience that makes us wholehearted, and able to love beyond fears. ~Brown 2010

You don't have to be brilliant to be wise. But brilliant is not enough without wisdom. ~Schwartz 2009

Because of Jesus-there is always hope, even in the darkest moments of your life. ~Keller 2013, 251

I came across with these three sayings today. The first two are from videos uploaded in TED. I am quite a fan of watching and listening to TED talks, indeed their are ideas that are worth sharing. The third one is from the book I am reading at the moment, titled Walking with God through pain and suffering. I would like to recommend people to read this book, not necessarily if you are going through pain and suffering. But because I think the author helps us to understand better about suffering, why and how to deal with it and most importantly helps us to see how bible talks about suffering and how we could applied it in our life. 

On a side note, I asked a wise friend of mine about how she select her readings especially for Christian books. As we all know, there are hundreds and thousands of Christian books available out there, either hard or softcopy. But not all of them are beneficial or trustworthy. One tips I got from her to select a good reading is those that scripture-based. Therefore this one that I am suggesting to you should be fine.

I haven't posted any resolution for 2014 yet. I am still not sure how to start writing them down. I was browsing through my FB timeline the other day, and read some good comments and post which I think I would like to share it here.

1. You are more likely to achieve your resolution if you keep it to yourself.

I literally smile when I read this one. Because apparently, I saw many people posting their new year resolution in their FB. And this particular friend of mine, instead of sharing his resolution in FB, shared this quote. Which makes me think of why I blog about my resolution. This brings me to the next one.

2. I really think that people who posted long statuses should have their own blog.

Haha. I literally laugh at this one. Because sometime I did post long statuses in FB. I did not see this in my FB timeline though. This one was tweeted by my besties. And I really think that what she said makes sense. Well I don't necessarily think that people can't post long statuses in FB because at the end of the day, who am I to prevent them not to? Its their FB and they have their rights to use it the way they want it to be. Besides, sometime people who post long statuses do have something that I could learn from as well. Nevertheless, I love writing down my thoughts. That is why I am here. I just think that FB can't accommodate everything that I wanted to say. =D

I went to work today. My bos is a super nice women, queen of two prince and two princess. She cooked lunch for me and send me home afterwards. I am so thankful and grateful. We had lovely conversation today. The highlight was when she asked me who am I if I am not Malay, not Chinese and obviously not Indian. So I simply said, I am a native in east Malaysia. I am Dusun, and speak Dusun, Malay, English, and little bit of French and Mandarin. She asked me what kind of belief my ancestor had before Islam, Christianity and other religion came to my country, and I said, we used to be pagan and believe in animisme. We used to believe in the spirit of the land, the forest, the spirit of the unseen. Then, long story short, she told me a story that goes like this..

... Before they migrate to Australia, her family used to lived in Xinjiang, a Uyghurs (Turkic ethnic group) territory in Republik of China. There were not many Chinese living in her area at that time, just around 2 or 3 family who lived in the same street with them. There was this Russian lady who taught her mom to read the card-to see the past and also the future. Since then, her mom was quite accomplished in reading the card, so many people came to see her, to get their readings. When she was small, my boss remember that there is this one beautiful Chinese girl who be-friend with her mom. She had this very beautiful silky long black hair (keeping long hair is popular back then). At that time, they have this open cinema where you can bring your chair and watch movies outdoor. One day, the new indoor cinema was opened. Thus, some of their friends asked the Chinese girl to go watch movie with them. After asking and convincing her parents that she is going with friends, her parents finally allowed her to go. While watching the movies, the girl tells her friends that she's going to the toilet. However, after sometime, she didn't come back. Her friends went to look for her. The movie finished, but still she was nowhere to be seen. They've checked the toilet but she was not there. So they thought she went home since it was quite late anyway. So they went home as well. On the other hand, the parents was thinking that since she did not go back that night, they thought that she went to sleep over at her friend's house since it was late. So the next morning, they sent their son to check if their daughter was at her friend's house. But he was surprised she was not with them. The whole village knows about it, and they started searching for her. But to no avail, they didn't found her. At the end, the girl's mom went to see my boss' mother for card reading. My boss remember her mom asked her brother to buy new pack of card because it was believed that the newer the pack, the more accurate the reading are. So her mom did the reading. And my boss remember her mom talking to the girl's mother that her daughter was not alive anymore. Upon hearing it, the girl's mother hysterically cried, so heartbroken with the news. The other women who accompany her ask if this were true, can she identify where the body is? So, her mom went over the card reading but the result were the same, over and over again. She told them she can't tell where the body is. The only thing she can see is filthy, very very filthy. And she was still in town. It was four days before they fly to Australia. Only when they arrived, her mom finally heard the news from home. The Chinese girl was found. In the toilet. The toilet was not like what we have today. Back then the toilet was just a deep squared hole, with a wood plank on it for people to squat on. Once a week, people will dug up the hole to clean it. Only when the cleaner dug up the toilet for weekly cleaning, they found her body. She was raped. And was thrown into the toilet hole. Horrifying but true. So now the mystery resolved.

What a story she had. But now her mom did not do the card reading anymore.

As I arrived home today, I took a short nap. Then cooked fried rice and make a hot black tea. Upon writing this, I was sipping my hot black tea. =D its time to rest. 

Hope you enjoy reading my long entry today. I know its long. =D 

Until then.