My bunch of besties from SMESH.

This was a random post in the middle of the week. But not random people. They are my besties, whom I met ten years ago. Ten years of friendship and still going strong.

Some people asked me if I had best-friends or not. And to be honest, I don't know how you classify your friends as best-friend or just friend. Everyone had their definition of friend or best-friend. Some people says that those who you meet often, and share almost everything in your life is your best-friend. Some people says, they are like stars. You don't see them often, but they are there. Some people says, its not so much about what you do together, and share with each other, but how you care for them.

For me, going through those definition is just hard. I remember this reading I have about culture. In the context of culture for example, the author, Llosa said that, 'these collective denominator will never fully define them-only disdainfully remove/neglect the uniqueness attributes that differentiate one member of the group with the other'. I just realised that dealing with definition of friendship, for example, if not employed properly can be reductionist. So, instead of classifying them as best-friend or not, I consider everyone as my friend, though I met them in a different timeline of my life, they are the BEST person I've ever met. Because I don't believe in coincidence. But I believe in God who puts people in my life. Each were made to be there. At that time. At that place.

As I mentioned before, I met many new people, at different place at different time. But this entry, will be EXCLUSIVELY for the ten person who had become the windows of my observing eye, always inspires me. They have become my sisters. My friends. Who had taught me a lot about life. About people. That there is always goodness in each and everyone of us. Nobody is perfect. We are made to be different. And we are to embrace it. I learn to appreciate people through the experience being with them. I remember they give me a truthful comment about myself. It was hard. But I am glad they point out those things to me. They teach me humility. And they aspire me to dream, and to achieve them. Through hardwork and perseverance. They colour my life with all sorts of emotion I could think of. And all sorts of precious memories. Well, the list goes on and on.

But why did they seems to be so important? Seems like having huge impact in mylife? Why is that?

I think because we met in a place where we don't have anyone but each other. Well, if you've ever had experience living and studying in a boarding school, you will know what I meant by that. Also, we met at a time where we are learning about ourselves, others and the reality of this world. We were growing up together. We think, we feel, we analyse together. We agree, we disagree, other maintain, other reject, we push one another to be a better person. And there are lots of other reasons. And that  what makes them special. =)

So here they are. The 10 EXCLUSIVE Person in mylife.

May-the teacher (the systematic)

Onel-the teacher (the youngest, the singer, manja hehe)

Sophie-the lawyer 

Ray-the teacher

Jen-the biotech

Chiba-the biologist

nancy- the analytical & environmental chemist

Iga-the horticulture and landscape

Ratty-environmental eng.

eL- the medical lab. technologist

Voila!! Pretty and strong ladies. Beautiful in their own. Beautiful inside out. =) May God continue to sustain and grow them in His love. 

p/s: kalau ada yg mau berkenalan silakan. But not everyone is available. Ada saturang yg mau upgrade status suda bulan lima ni. Keep praying for her! =D

I miss them very much. Haven't seen them for many years. Some are since we finish our high school. Some are two years ago. Glad that we still keep in touch. FB, skyping and whatsapping! Sometime they can be so humorous, laughing out loud, you don't feel like you're that far away from one another. 

Geng karas. That's what they nicknamed us in highschool. haha! 

I am sure, that we will meet again one day. 

Until then.

Learning to accept things..

Often I told myself to accept things that happened and be glad of it. Since everything that happened was under God's control, nothing will happen that is more than what I can handle. That's my mantra whenever I faced difficulties in life.

My friend asked me this question once. 'Rosa, what is the most challenging experience you've ever had? Suffering or affliction of any kinds?'. Me? Silence.

Well to be honest, I don't know if I had 'the most challenging experience' in life. I often found myself as very accepting of things that happened in life. Ever since I was small, something in me always comfort me, enabling me to accept things. But, I also admit that I did felt frustrated or sad or unhappy because of certain things that didn't go as what I expected, but it was easy for me to be able to accept things. Well, as cliche it is..indeed things happened. 

Today I was reading the book I mentioned in my previous post. At the same time, I was reading JOB for my one year bible reading plan. What a match! So I've been learning about pain and suffering. And I just realised how broken I am, and how much suffering I've endured. Not to the point that I think I've suffered enough. That is not what I meant. What I meant is, I actually face suffering everyday in this fallen world. And the truth is, sometime I was not actually very accepting of things that happened. I was just trying to be tough. And I thought that if I didn't cried, or didn't talk much about it, and just go with the flow, I was doing alright because Peter said that we are to rejoice in our suffering. Little did I know that the meaning of rejoicing in our suffering also happens within sorrow.

What I was reminded was, we are not to be immune of what is happening around us. We do have to emphasize the reality of grief and sorrow. But the difference is, we has something that enable us to rise above this things, that is we rise above them though we feel them. Its not an absence of feeling. This is an important dividing line. 

With this, I have this sudden thought about myself. Sometime, whenever I faced problem or challenges, what I did was I swept things under the carpet and try to forget about it. But how can I forget? I know it was there, but I just don't want to deal with it. That is why, when the problem or I could say, the past catch up with my present, I felt helpless. Therefore, what I learned from this was, instead of sweeping away my problem under the carpet, I should face it like a women. And best deal with it. Instead of running away. Because if not, sooner or later, the past will catch up with the present if not dealt accordingly.

As much as I wanted to comment on how I see this in Jesus' suffering, and why He is often called as man of sorrow, but offered hope and also joy and glory, I think I'll save it in another discussion.

This is my reflection for today.

I haven't fully composed my thought yet, but I decided to write them down anyway. Just in case if I forgot about it tomorrow. Apart from that, I've been reading few journal today. I have another eight to go. So apology if what I wrote above seems boring and nonsense.

Until then. 

Embrace vulnerability.

Vulnerability does not necessarily makes one unworthy of being joyful, thankful and grateful. It actually enhances our experience. Experience that makes us wholehearted, and able to love beyond fears. ~Brown 2010

You don't have to be brilliant to be wise. But brilliant is not enough without wisdom. ~Schwartz 2009

Because of Jesus-there is always hope, even in the darkest moments of your life. ~Keller 2013, 251

I came across with these three sayings today. The first two are from videos uploaded in TED. I am quite a fan of watching and listening to TED talks, indeed their are ideas that are worth sharing. The third one is from the book I am reading at the moment, titled Walking with God through pain and suffering. I would like to recommend people to read this book, not necessarily if you are going through pain and suffering. But because I think the author helps us to understand better about suffering, why and how to deal with it and most importantly helps us to see how bible talks about suffering and how we could applied it in our life. 

On a side note, I asked a wise friend of mine about how she select her readings especially for Christian books. As we all know, there are hundreds and thousands of Christian books available out there, either hard or softcopy. But not all of them are beneficial or trustworthy. One tips I got from her to select a good reading is those that scripture-based. Therefore this one that I am suggesting to you should be fine.

I haven't posted any resolution for 2014 yet. I am still not sure how to start writing them down. I was browsing through my FB timeline the other day, and read some good comments and post which I think I would like to share it here.

1. You are more likely to achieve your resolution if you keep it to yourself.

I literally smile when I read this one. Because apparently, I saw many people posting their new year resolution in their FB. And this particular friend of mine, instead of sharing his resolution in FB, shared this quote. Which makes me think of why I blog about my resolution. This brings me to the next one.

2. I really think that people who posted long statuses should have their own blog.

Haha. I literally laugh at this one. Because sometime I did post long statuses in FB. I did not see this in my FB timeline though. This one was tweeted by my besties. And I really think that what she said makes sense. Well I don't necessarily think that people can't post long statuses in FB because at the end of the day, who am I to prevent them not to? Its their FB and they have their rights to use it the way they want it to be. Besides, sometime people who post long statuses do have something that I could learn from as well. Nevertheless, I love writing down my thoughts. That is why I am here. I just think that FB can't accommodate everything that I wanted to say. =D

I went to work today. My bos is a super nice women, queen of two prince and two princess. She cooked lunch for me and send me home afterwards. I am so thankful and grateful. We had lovely conversation today. The highlight was when she asked me who am I if I am not Malay, not Chinese and obviously not Indian. So I simply said, I am a native in east Malaysia. I am Dusun, and speak Dusun, Malay, English, and little bit of French and Mandarin. She asked me what kind of belief my ancestor had before Islam, Christianity and other religion came to my country, and I said, we used to be pagan and believe in animisme. We used to believe in the spirit of the land, the forest, the spirit of the unseen. Then, long story short, she told me a story that goes like this..

... Before they migrate to Australia, her family used to lived in Xinjiang, a Uyghurs (Turkic ethnic group) territory in Republik of China. There were not many Chinese living in her area at that time, just around 2 or 3 family who lived in the same street with them. There was this Russian lady who taught her mom to read the card-to see the past and also the future. Since then, her mom was quite accomplished in reading the card, so many people came to see her, to get their readings. When she was small, my boss remember that there is this one beautiful Chinese girl who be-friend with her mom. She had this very beautiful silky long black hair (keeping long hair is popular back then). At that time, they have this open cinema where you can bring your chair and watch movies outdoor. One day, the new indoor cinema was opened. Thus, some of their friends asked the Chinese girl to go watch movie with them. After asking and convincing her parents that she is going with friends, her parents finally allowed her to go. While watching the movies, the girl tells her friends that she's going to the toilet. However, after sometime, she didn't come back. Her friends went to look for her. The movie finished, but still she was nowhere to be seen. They've checked the toilet but she was not there. So they thought she went home since it was quite late anyway. So they went home as well. On the other hand, the parents was thinking that since she did not go back that night, they thought that she went to sleep over at her friend's house since it was late. So the next morning, they sent their son to check if their daughter was at her friend's house. But he was surprised she was not with them. The whole village knows about it, and they started searching for her. But to no avail, they didn't found her. At the end, the girl's mom went to see my boss' mother for card reading. My boss remember her mom asked her brother to buy new pack of card because it was believed that the newer the pack, the more accurate the reading are. So her mom did the reading. And my boss remember her mom talking to the girl's mother that her daughter was not alive anymore. Upon hearing it, the girl's mother hysterically cried, so heartbroken with the news. The other women who accompany her ask if this were true, can she identify where the body is? So, her mom went over the card reading but the result were the same, over and over again. She told them she can't tell where the body is. The only thing she can see is filthy, very very filthy. And she was still in town. It was four days before they fly to Australia. Only when they arrived, her mom finally heard the news from home. The Chinese girl was found. In the toilet. The toilet was not like what we have today. Back then the toilet was just a deep squared hole, with a wood plank on it for people to squat on. Once a week, people will dug up the hole to clean it. Only when the cleaner dug up the toilet for weekly cleaning, they found her body. She was raped. And was thrown into the toilet hole. Horrifying but true. So now the mystery resolved.

What a story she had. But now her mom did not do the card reading anymore.

As I arrived home today, I took a short nap. Then cooked fried rice and make a hot black tea. Upon writing this, I was sipping my hot black tea. =D its time to rest. 

Hope you enjoy reading my long entry today. I know its long. =D 

Until then.

End of year: Truthful me.

Writing this entry had been the most challenging entry I've ever done. Writing about the truthful me, I am facing with my own insecurity and my insidious secret.

Honestly, 2013 had been a very challenging year for me. While taking shower this morning, I've been drafting my entry in my head what to write to conclude 2013. When I open my FB today, first thing I saw in my timeline is how people describe their 2013, and many of them said that they are so thankful and grateful for all the experience and the people they've met this year. I've decided to do a bit more in-depth analysis for how 2013 had been treating me. Here it goes..

1. Resolution for 2013

I did not get HD for all of my subject, my summer school earlier this year was really hectic because I was trying to juggle my time between studying two subject in 6 weeks and moving house, uni experience had been very challenging, TIBS was self-correcting and rebuking, walking with God was not easy, I don't have enough saving, I still doubt myself whenever I met new people, I am not sure what soft-skills I acquire this year, and I am not sure if I've speak louder enough. Nevertheless, I am glad that all my ten resolution for 2013 was not an impossible mission. I am grateful enough to conclude 2013 with all my resolution list being ticked-off. I did not get the highest and the most, but I did my best. And I think, that is all that matters. 

2. To love

I wrote this second entry early this year saying that I would like to allow myself to love me more, love others more and to love God more. I'd never thought that this will be a bitter sweet journey, full of surprises. Not only I realised that I could love myself, others and God more, but I must. Not just because I should because God says so, but it is a lifetime commitment. This realisation brings me to another level of my life that had changed my perspective this year. That is, I should be honest and truthful to myself.

Truthful me.

I did not have a measurement for how much I grow this year as a person. But I was aware that I am changing. Being 22, I realised that I am getting older. I was scared. Scared of being adult. Because I realised that as I grow older, I am aware of my responsibility over my own life. I was aware that experience can influence how I think, how I act and how I speak. This experience was shaped by the place, the people and everything around me. I realised that I was in dire need of God, I also realised how important it is to be deeply rooted in His word, and how important it is to live my life under God's rule when I declare Him as my King. Nevertheless, I was reminded about two things:

1. That I could cast all my fears to God. I took comfort in God's promises and sovereignty. PSALM 139

2. God is 100% in control of everything happen in my life, and I am 100% responsible for my action as well.

Student life had been very exciting journey. I thank God for the opportunity to study abroad. Indeed God has His own plan for His children. I can't thank Him enough. This year had been a roller-coaster journey for me, yet beautiful and life-changing.

Its almost two years now. Sometime I wonder if I am truly over with my feelings. I try my best to convince myself that I am alright and I've moved on. But sometime the past did catch up with my present. And when it did, I can't help myself from crying. If I didn't have any feelings for the person anymore, then why did it hurt that bad and that much? Missing that person can be so suffocating and heart wrenching. Sometime I wondered if I will be okay seeing him with other women. And I am sure that day will come. And I can't run away from it. If that's the case, then, I will cling to God tightly. I am praying the best for him. Surely, God know what's inside my heart.

Leading TIBS this year had been the most wonderful experience I've had in Adelaide. I am thankful to God for by His grace and love, He moved my heart and enable me to serve Him and to serve others so that I may not take any credit for that, but all glory to God. I am thankful for the teaching, rebuking, correcting and training for righteousness through the scripture to be thoroughly equipped for all the good works. And I am thankful for my brothers and sisters who had showed me the meaning of building up one another. With that I am especially thankful to God for Bernie, and Ally.

I remember one time I was conducting seminar discussion. I thought that I will never be able to do it. I have no experience, and I kept thinking that my English was so poor, I'd thought that the 20 people in the seminar room will get confused or will not understand what I am saying. I was so nervous, I think I could faint. Or even run for my life out from that room. But I am so thankful to God, for giving me strength and courage that day. The 2hours discussion was done, and my group got HD for that. I realised that day, that it was not so much about how good your English are, but how you deliver the content.  

I guess, end of year allow me to reflect things that happen in my life the whole year. But also enable me to think for my resolution for 2014. Future seems uncertain for me. But I am certain that God is in control. I will face another transition in my life next year. Soon, I am not a uni student anymore but I will keep learning for it is an ongoing process.

To conclude, 2013 allow me to appreciate every little things in life. When life gets tough, those little things can cheer me up. 

Almost end of the year!

Wishing everyone Merry Christmas 2013!

I hope it is not too late for a warm greetings for this season. I've been holding back myself from posting anything this month. With heavy heart, I did not go home this Christmas. I've canceled my flight back home last minute because of some matters that I need to make sure it is done before I go back for good next year.
Fingers crossed, I am going to graduate this coming April. Praying that everything will go smoothly. And may God's will be done.

This year was so different and strange for me. I'd never felt so out of place like this. Knowing that I am finishing my studies this year, I haven't prepared anything to get into the new stage in my life-working. I am unsure of this transition. I'd never give my self time to really think what I want to do when I go back home. Do I straight away do some job hunting, or do I take a break for a few months then make a move. But to be honest, I want to work as soon as I go back. I don't like idleness. I'd like to do something, get busy. It keeps me moving.

Nevertheless, this is my first time being alone in Adelaide. Away from family, with no friends at home. I felt a bit lonely and lost, not knowing what to do or to whom I should talk to. But I want to praise God, who's always there for me although sometime I cried talking to Him.

This Christmas remind me about God's unfailing and unconditional love. I've heard Christmas stories many times. But God put people around me to remind me that although I said I am a Christian, born in Christian family, accepting Christ is my personal decision. Indeed, I've taken the decision. But I kept thinking about others, who's still contemplating to accept Him or even those who might not even believing what God has done through His Son, Jesus Christ. My heart long to share this love that God had made it known to me with others.

Summer is not yet at its peak. January is approaching very-very soon. And Adelaide will once again reach its highest point for summer. I hope that I could go through the hot days, just like I could go through the cold days. Yet I am thankful enough for the different seasons I got to experience here in Adelaide.

I am posting again soon. To conclude my year 2013. And perhaps reviewing my 2013 resolution. And get ready for new hope and new goal for 2014.

Until then.

Trial Waitstaff cont..

Hi there, it was my second day being a trial staff. I was asked by my manager if I want to work tonight. But I said no. And now I am home. I am glad that I was home. But I wore the wrong shoes. My feet was blistered. And deep down, I regret not staying. Because I know I will learn more if I stayed for tonight.

I actually did much better than last time. I just got a bit lost with the table arrangements. Some table has no number on it and I have to think which table it is when I send out the food. I think the cook was a bit upset when I didn't deliver all the food as fast as possible. This is my first time working under pressure from someone else.

I did find myself enjoying cleaning the glasses though. Because it was more relaxing. But I can only do it if there is no table to be cleaned. So far what I do was to help serving the food, and clean the table. But from what I see what other staff do, they do the dessert, make coffee, make drinks etc.

To be honest, when I first started as trial staff, I went to youtube and mr.google to get some enlightenment on how to be a wait-staff. But to my surprise, there is actually nothing much. I guess it was because the demands and styles and knowledge varies from one restaurant to another. But there is some few tips that I could share what I learned so far.

Before (Interview)

1. Be there on time.

I got lost when I first came for interview and the manager was actually a bit baffled. I was late for almost an hour! But I did told them I get lost looking for the restaurant.

2. Wear something decent. At least presentable.

I just get back from doing my first job. I got to shower and put on clean clothes. But I look clean and fresh. So yeah. Try your best looking presentable.

During trial.

1. Wear all black.

This is what my manager said to me when I first came. She asked me to wear all black when I come for the trial. Black shirts (formal/non formal is fine-depends on the restaurant), black pants (you can wear skirts at knee length or wear black dress is fine!), black shoes (you might take some time to wisely choose your shoes that you going to wear- consider comfy at most as you will stand and walk for long hours)

2. Makeup and hairdo.

Is not really important. But, if you can make yourself looks professionals is a plus! Be presentable to your customer. Iron your shirts if you need. For girls, tie your hair (for long hair) or at least put some clips. Put some colours on your face. SMILE! Believe me. It was the most crucial makeup!

3. Be confident.

I was actually nervous for my first time. I guess that is how most people feel for the first time. But be confident in your own skin. Remember, this is not about you. This is about your customer that you are serving!

4. Be proactive.

Try to find ways on how you can help other server if you don't know what to do. Or ask your manager. Learn from them. Don't be shy to make mistakes. *I broke two glasses today* But keep moving. And don't just stand doing nothing. There must be something you can do.

5. Look look look. Remember the table number. Remember the food you are serving.

Once you get used to the table number, and the food you are serving, it will be easier for you to help serving the food. I was actually being shouted for being confused which table to serve the food first.

6. Learn how to read the docket.

I don't know how other restaurant takes order from the customer. But in my case, they use docket and they stick it up near the food windows.

7. Know the drinks.

I was responsible for making sure glasses are being washed and cold water being put inside the fridge. But I don't know most of the drinks are. Especially the wine etc. But I think it will be helpful if you know the drinks.

Over all, seeing what other waitstaff do their job today, I was amazed how fast and skillful they are. They look so relaxed and they know exactly what to do. Sometime I find myself standing in the middle, waiting the food ready to be served. I wish I didn't feel so out of place. I wanted so much to help and do my best. But maybe I was just new to all of this.

But I have to admit, I enjoy today. I would like to be better than today. And I hope, someday, I will not be so out of place anymore. And I could be like my new friend, Chris, Agnes, Pooi, Rudy and Rodriguez. =)

Until then.

Trial Waitstaff

Long story short, instead of going back home for Christmas this year, I stayed back and was having my most wonderful 'home alone' experience. I'd never thought being alone at home will be this depressing. You got no one to talk to. Last year was alright, because one of my housemate is staying back. So, I was not alone. But this year was different. 

Unemployed and currently broke, that is why I went to one of the most popular website that can help me finding a job. That is why I like Gumtree. He help me to find this job that I am currently on trial. As a waitress in L... restaurant in Glenelg Beach.

To be honest, I don't have any experience as a waitress, but I would like to try being one. Just for the sake of the experience. Well, as much as I want to convince my self that I wanted the experience more than anything, it seems like, money was the reason too. Yeap, I need it. But not after they really accept me as a waitstaff. I am a newbie. Inexperienced one. I am not even sure if it was worth to invest their time for me. But I am a fast learner. Although I feel like not doing it now, I was thinking to just have a go with it. At least once.

I got a piece of advise from the manager when I first came to the restaurant for trial. He said, 'Rosa, can I give you piece of advise? You should approach more. Be confident and brave. You have to do it. Go out there. Not just standing here and do nothing. If not, there is nothing we could help you, and you won't learn much.' Ouch! That was a really good advice for me. To be honest, I was not that brave. That is why, when I apply for this job, I was quite amazed where did I find the gut to even asked for the job?

It was 3 hours trial. I know I did't do very well. But I want to try more. I'm going again tomorrow. The busiest day of the week. Saturday. When most people go out to the beach. Oh, fingers-crossed. I don't know how it will be. I just hope that I will remember the table, and know how to read the docket and yeah, serve the food.

Until then.