This year I hope I am stronger than last year. I hope I could overcome my fear of being a stranger in a new place. What I’ve been through last year, taught me a lot.
To give thanks in every situation, always remember that God is in control, I do not have to be afraid of anything because God is with me. I realized that, everytime I am down, God always has His own ways to cheer me up. Thank God for everything.
Fear.
Scared and uncertainty are the most fearful feeling I felt last year. Countless night of praying and crying. I felt so small, almost nothing but a dust on air. My life was like a dandelion, flying wherever the wind blows. I felt so broken to a point where the feeling is like being stranded on a sea of strange desert, where I saw nothing but a dull, brown desert.
My heart cried.
My heart was crying for help whom I don’t know to whom. I longed for someone who I can talk to, a shoulder to cry on and a companion who can give me wise advise. Because of that feeling, I began to put a wall around me, keeping distance from anyone who tried to pull me out. I tried to swim out from the confusion, but eventually I drowned, again and again.
Overwhelming feeling
In my life, there is no reason for me not to believe, or pretend to be blind how God’s love works. Everything, yes everything I have, I see or experiencing are God’s gift. I am more than grateful. But truly I said, to work out our own salvation is not easy. I have to carry my own cross. For that, all the pain, the tears, the hurt, the hardship, the struggle, the joy and happiness..are worth to experience. I don’t know what is the most memorable moments in my lifetime. But I can name a few.
On my 20th the most overwhelming feeling that I wish to keep till I die is, the moment when, everytime I saw a Church, my heart race into a melodious rhythm that I myself couldn’t comprehend. At first I thought that, I missed going to church. That’s all. But honestly, its more than that. It’s not about His house, but His presence. God knows that human easily forgot. I am thankful God remind me that I am nothing without Him. God wanted to tell me that He’s always there for me, anytime, anywhere..wherever I go, wherever I am.
Peace.
I always believe God will answer our prayer on His own time, and at the exact moment. On that particular Sunday, I got a beautiful message from 2 Corinthians 4. I still remember the title: Treasure in clay Jars. That day, I finally found my peace. I even meet a few friends who just like a family, who support and encourage me.
